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Fifty Shades of Black Fast-Tracked to Oscars

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Los Angeles, CA – In an effort to diversify the nominees of the 88th Academy Awards, an emergency ballot was dispersed throughout the entertainment industry yesterday with the sole purpose of pushing a more racially diverse film and cast into the nominations. After the votes were tallied five minutes after being given out, the decision was unanimous: Marlon Wayan’s Fifty Shades of Black would be given fair consideration in multiple categories, including Best Picture.

“We needed to do something,” explained Hollywood producer Lance Emmerlan. “Luckily, we didn’t have to think too hard about what films are most ethnically diverse. Fifty Shades of Black was just about to be released in theaters. With a little loophole that allows new releases to be nominated if they have been screened by the public just once in 2015, we were able to push that film into contention.”

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Fifty Shades of Black: IM Global

When asked why Fifty Shades of Black, of all films, was selected, Emmerlan explained. “The film community is not exactly the most intelligent group when it comes to social graces. The public wanted more racial diversity, so we nominated a movie with the actual word, ‘Black,’ in it. You can’t get more racially diverse than that.”

When asked if Fifty Shades of Black had a legitimate chance of winning the award for Best Picture, Mr. Emmerlan had to excuse himself when he began choking on a piece of shrimp.

Of course, Best Picture was not the only award that Fifty Shades of Black was nominated for. Marlon Wayans himself was nominated for Best Actor, and Jane Seymour was nominated for Best Supporting Actress.

In other news, Leonardo DiCaprio has begun furiously researching his family tree for a non-white relation, and may be close to connecting himself to the “Lucy” fossil found in Ethiopia.

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Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.

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