Trenton, NJ— Following the scandal involving NJ Governor Chris Christie and the over-sized traffic jam that he and aides allegedly caused purposefully at the George Washington Bridge last year, citizens across the United States are rallying for swift and immediate changes following the release of information on Bridgegate.
Those changes are being addressed not to the politicians involved but the titles that government scandals have been lazily given since the Nixon administration in 1972.
“Everything is always ‘Something-gate’ these days,” explained political pundit Arnold Wingate. “Is it a scandal? Slap ‘gate’ on it. Who cares if the word has absolutely nothing to do with who or what was involved.”
The original ‘-gate’ had to do with a break-in and cover-up at the Watergate office complex. Due to the name of the group of buildings that the intrusion happened in, Watergate seemed a logical choice when naming the events that created the scandal.
Since then, former New York times columnist William Safire began slapping the “-gate” suffix on any story he could get his hands on, allegedly to diminish the Watergate scandal itself or due to extremely lazy copy editing. Terms included: Vietgate; Billygate; Briefingate; Contragate; Deavergate; Debategate; Doublebillingsgate; Frankiegate; Housegate; Iraqgate; Nannygate; Raidergate; Scalpgate; Travelgate; Troopergate; Whitewatergate; Gategate.
Currently, the “-gate” suffix has lost is luster in the political spectrum as well, due to its application to Janet Jackson’s breast revelation (Nipplegate), South Park’s jokes about Scientology and Tom Cruise (Closetgate), and the defensive players of the NFL’s New Orleans Saints (Bountygate).
“I’ve had enough of ‘-gate.’ It’s lazy journalism,” continued Arnold Wingate. “Maybe if Bridgegate happened on the Golden Gate Bridge, or Gov. Christie put real gates in front of the lanes of the bridge, then we could have used the term. But it didn’t, so we’re demanding a new term for scandals.”
Currently, new potential terms for Bridgegate include:
- George Washington Blockade
- ChrisLock
- Goddamn Bulls#*t I Needed to Get to Work