Lynchburg, VA— The Christian ideals of sexuality and gender identity took a turn for even more ridiculous this past month as the legal guardians / grandparents of eight year-old Sunnie Kahle received a letter from the principal of Timberlake Christian School where she was formerly educated.

In the letter, the principal stated:

“You’re probably aware that Timberlake Christian School is a religious, Bible believing institution providing education in a distinctly Christian environment … We believe that unless Sunnie as well as her family clearly understand that God has made her female and her dress and behavior need to follow suit with her God-ordained identity, that TCS is not the best place for her future education.”

Sunnie Khale, who identifies herself as “…a girl. Boys have cooties,” has been known to wear pants and T-shirts, have her hair cut short, and play sports, which prompted the school to take action against a little girl that didn’t look “little girl” enough.

“I don’t know when sports and T-shirts and short hair became only male fashion again,” stated gender relations correspondent Paul Emmerlan. “I’ve seen plenty of women in pixie-cuts wearing Yankees jerseys that I wanted to sleep with, and it didn’t make me feel gay for a second.”

Emmerlan’s position puts Timberlake Christian School’s stance even more in the mud, as the idea of sexuality is usually not significant for eight year-olds, even those in the backwoods of Virginia.

While the gender ideals of Timberlake Christian School may seem dated back to the nineteenth century, the ridiculousness doesn’t stop there. The principal that is believed to have sent the letter looks, according to Emmerlan, “Like Rosie O’Donnell. So, really, if she has a real issue with how Sunnie looks, she should take a look in the mirror.”

By Patrick AE

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.