Tallahassee, FL— With election season on the horizon, the political powers of Florida are gearing up to debate on everyone’s favorite topic: gun laws.
Widely considered to be one of the most lenient states in the US on firearm control, members of the State Senate and House of Representatives have made remarkable strides to amend gun control laws. Not so much enacting more rigid gun control laws, but repealing laws that infringe on carrying, wielding, or shooting a gun or pretending to shoot a gun.
One forceful gun control repeal has been penned the Pop-Tart Bill, which would prohibit school administrators from disciplining children (and, if necessary, adults) for pretending to fire guns or wearing clothing that features guns on school property.
“We need to be able to teach our children about gun safety,” explained Senate President Don Gaetz, R-Niceville. “And there is no better way to teach them than to have them separate into groups pretend to shoot and kill each other on the playground while wearing Smith & Wesson trucker caps and NRA shirts. It’s the American way!”
The proposal would protect children for being disciplined for “brandishing a partially consumed pastry or other food item to simulate a firearm or weapon,” “using a finger or hand to simulate a firearm or weapon” and “vocalizing a firearm or weapon,” and possessing the depiction of a firearm made up of “snap-together blocks” unless the activity “substantially disrupts student learning” or “causes bodily harm” or “places another person in fear of bodily harm.”
On the flipside of gun control legislation, a potential amendment to the controversial “Stand Your Ground” law which has been penned as the “Come At Me, Bro” addendum has been all but abandoned. This amendment would annul the immunity of an aggressor that uses “Stand Your Ground” if the individual allegedly protecting his rights uses such terms as, “Come at me bro,” “I’m right here, f**k-head,” and other colorful phrases while standing their ground and treading on the ground of an opponents.
While opponents of “Stand Your Ground” live Rev. Al Sharpton have high hopes that the “Come At Me, Bro” amendment will be a step in the right direction for further amendments and possible repeal of “Stand Your Ground,” some politicians are not so sure.
“If someone is irritated by an individual brandishing a firearm while they hurl verbal insults, than that person has some severe issues that can’t be fixed by gun control,” stated Gaetz. “The best thing to do in this case if you are not Caucasian is to cower in fear and hope the individual doesn’t push you and scream, ‘He most likely has a weapon, probably!’ before shooting you. If you’re Caucasian, go ahead and ‘Stand Your Ground’ right back on his ass.”