Berlin, GERMANY: In a recent excuse that fooled no one, former child actor and current Hollywood headcase Shia LaBeouf explained away his odd behavior these past few months by calling it “performance art.” Translated into English from the vague fulosheiten language LaBeouf was using, “performance art” means “I meant to do that.”
While many believe that LaBeouf’s downward spiral began with his role in the movie Holes, the show Even Stevens, or even the franchise Transformers, the maligned actor claims that his entire careers has just been “a part of the show.” The actor has since submitted the documentary of his life to the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for an award nomination for acting, lifetime achievement, or in memoriam if all other methods of publicity fail.
“You here so many stories about the demise of child actors, how they find themselves all grown up but still tied to the albatross of their earlier years,” stated LaBeouf. “I wanted to capture that, ever since I was a little Canadian boy who couldn’t ice-skate. I wanted to take on this project no matter how long it took.”
Shia LaBeouf’s latest public gaffs began when the actor tried his hand at filmmaking and promptly plagiarized Ghostworld creator Dan Clowes, and gave an encore of this performance by plagiarizing his apology, and then plagiarizing the apology for his apology.
LaBeouf then took to his Twitter feed in order to constantly publish the line, “I am not famous anymore,” which lead to his red carpet appearance at a film festival in Berlin showing his latest film, Nymphomaniac. LaBeouf had donned a paper bag on his head with his Twitter line written on it, along with the prerequisite tuxedo. He followed up this performance with a Q&A panel where he stormed off after one question.
When asked if this performance art may be a bit too vague, Shia LaBeouf mumbled, “No-one asks water why it chooses to remain in certain holes when poured on a block of Swisse cheese.” He then proceeded to give himself a standing ovation.