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Cat Fans Protest Internet Takeover by Giraffes



Global: A virus has begun to spread at an alarming rate, a virus that just may threaten all that we love and hold dear. At least, what we love and hold dear on the internet.

The affliction? Giraffe pictures.

The cause? A riddle that has been circulating Facebook since this weekend, causing those who answer incorrectly to be morphed into a cute giraffe picture or, at least, what may be assumed to be a cute giraffe picture if giraffes could be considered cute.

The evil riddle post of doom is as follows:

I’ve changed my profile to a giraffe. I tried to answer a riddle and got it wrong. Try the great giraffe challenge!

The deal is I give you a riddle. You get it right you get to keep your profile pic. You get it wrong and you change your profile pic to a Giraffe for the next 3 days. MESSAGE ME ONLY SO YOU DONT GIVE OUT THE ANSWER.

Here is the riddle: 3:00 am, the doorbell rings and you wake up. Unexpected visitors, It’s your parents and they are there for breakfast. You have strawberry jam, honey, wine, bread and cheese. What is the first thing you open?

Remember… message me only. If you get it right I’ll post your name here. If you get it wrong change your profile pic.

Both answers of “the door” and “your eyes” have become valid answers to the age-old question, but an incorrect answer of one of the food items instantaneously reverts your profile picture into a shot of a ridiculous-looking giraffe. Or not, depending on if you truly believe your answer is false.

The viral outbreak of giraffes is not without its detractors, however. Countless social media mavens have protested the riddle, and the takeover of giraffes, by coming together and not only refusing to change their profile picture, but using the most miniscule loopholes to destroy the relevancy of the riddle altogether.

The connection of the rebels? They are all fanatical about funny cat pictures.

“This whole giraffe craze is the government trying to take away our enjoyment of ridiculous cat memes,” stated conspiracy theorist Blaze Landley. “Giraffes? If that isn’t a metaphor for Big Brother, I don’t know what is.”

The answers to stop the giraffe epidemic have ranged from scientific to just all out angry.

“All of these jerks posting the riddle are wrong,” explained neuroscience specialist Dr. Marjorie Allen, who happens to have twenty cats at her domicile. “The first thing you open are your brain synapses, which is an involuntary action which happens when you begin to wake up. The next step is either your brain or your eyes, depending on how quickly you you have been jolted out of REM sleep. Suck on that, giraffe lovers.”

“Even those assholes who say, ‘hey, you’re only truly awake after you open your eyes’ haven’t thought things through,” explained local electrician and cat-lover Michael Butler. “Before you open the door, you probably have to turn a light on at some point to get to the door. That means you need to open an electrical circuit to fire up that light. Fuckers.”

Local locksmith and cat meme creator Arnold Allison had his own interpretation. “You need to open the lock before you open the door, you jerks. Any parents that would wake your ass up at 3am for breakfast would probably walk right on in if the door wasn’t locked.”

Still, other cat-lovers had a more brazen answer to the riddle. “What do you open first? How about opening up a bag of ‘Fuck you’? As in, ‘Fuck you, I’m not changing my profile picture.’ Is that a good enough answer?” stated self-proclaimed cat meme guru Paul Emmerlan.

It remains to be seen how far this virus will spread. At the moment, the giraffe plague has gotten into digital news outlets to spread its mischief, this one included.

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Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.

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