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Curt Shilling Alive and Well Annoying Public after Boston Bombing


Mistaken for Curt Shilling.

Boston, MA: In the wake of the bombing at the Boston Marathon, the sports world was riveted in an extremely quiet celebration when it was believed that former Red Sox star pitcher and daily loudmouth Curt Shilling was injured in the catastrophe.

While many believed that any injury would only lead to Shilling broadcasting from a hospital bed, the general feeling was that, at the very least, the world would get a few hours break, even if it would be followed by months of Shilling debating on-air whether or not he should have his running shorts displayed in the Smithsonian.

The news was bittersweet, as it was learned that the man believed to be Shilling was actually Shilling’s double, who was used so that Shilling could prove that he is still in tip-top athletic shape, at least, as far as MLB pitchers go.

“If I had a body double, I would have probably done the same thing,” stated Marcus Skelling, a 300-pound minor league pitcher. “Pitchers have been blasted as unhealthily large for years. I applaud Shilling for trying to rectify the rumors.”

While a body double is useful for positive press coverage, another possibility is that Curt Shilling’s body double is used for more volatile circumstances.

“Many leaders of their respective circles have had body doubles for protection,” stated political pundit Penelope Kreuger. “Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong-il, Joseph Stalin, Michael Jackson… the list goes on.”

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