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Joe Paterno’s Statue of No Limitations

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Joe Paterno was a close friend of his for many years, but former Florida State coach Bobby Bowden thinks his statue of the late coach on Penn State’s campus should come down.

Photo courtesy of Anonymous. It is Legion.

“Every time somebody walks by and sees that statue, they’re not going to remember the 80 good years,” Bowden told the Altoona (Pa.) Mirror. “They’re going to remember this thing with Sandusky.”

Penn State’s board of Trustees agreed and announced that the statue of Joe-Pa standing will be removed—but not before Penn State holds a contest called “Puttin’ it to Paterno.”  All funds collected from the $25 entrance fee will go toward paying off victims of Jerry Sandusky.

Contestants who come up with the best caption for the statue will win an unlimited pass to see Penn State games in luxury box seats.  Losers will receive unlimited visitation rights to see Jerry Sandusky in prison.  The statue will later be melted down and its iron will be used to make the bars in Mr. Sandusky’s new prison home.

A sampling of captions received for the statue of Coach Joe standing with his index finger pointing upward include:

“Hey.  You over there.  You look like a lawyer.  Feel like working for the next ten years?”

“I like to order one Assistant Coach Hetero coach to go.”

“Damn, I had a feeling something was askew when Coach Jerry designed our tackling dummies to look like 10 year old boys.”

“Ever see the thickness of my Coke bottle glasses?  I didn’t see a damn thing for 33 years. “

“Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your home on the wedding day of your daughter.  And may their first child be a masculine child…huh, speaking of masculine children…I got a problem and I need your help like I’ve never needed your help before.”

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