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Curt Schilling Reality Video Game Ready to Hit Shelves

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Boston, MA: After over five years and almost $35 million, the impossible has happened: the Curt Schilling video game is slated to arrive for computer and gaming consoles everywhere.

Not to be confused with the medieval-based RPG that Curt Schilling’s new production company, 38 Studios, recently launched(Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning), this new first-person puzzle RPG lets gamers play as Curt Schilling during his retirement.

Heralded as the epitome of reality gaming, Expert: 2012, produced by Inept Studios, allows players to interact with active MLB players, retirees, officials, senators, and anyone else that you can get to listen to your incessant babbling in the hopes of gaining their trust, boosting your popularity and ego, and finding your place in Major League Baseball’s Hall of Fame.

Such helpful in-game activities include:

1 ) Avidly criticize the use of steroids and the many ways it could be used to enhance one’s play in suspect detail.

2 ) Have your smelly sock indoctrinated into the National Baseball Hall of Fame.

3 ) Throw all former teammates under the bus by stating such things as, “There isn’t a team in the last 20 years that’s won clean.”

4 ) Smearing co-candidates on the Hall of Fame ballot while denouncing other retired players by stating, “allegations made in that book, the attempts to smear the names of players both past and present, having been made by one who for years vehemently denied steroid use, should be seen for what they are: an attempt to make money at the expense of others.”

5 ) Create blogs and websites that cherish the last team you played for while snubbing the first team that gave you a World Series ring.

6 ) Join baseball analyst talk shows as a self-proclaimed expert on baseball management and speculation.

7 ) Defend being wrong 90% of the time as a self-proclaimed expert on baseball management and speculation.

8 ) Launch video games because, as a former baseball player, you know that you can do it better other video game producers.

Using tactics such as these, gamers are able to boost their standings in the Hall of Fame ballot in order to achieve greatness, or fade away. The game features countless customizable features for your character, including: clean-shaven, 5 o’clock shadow, suit and tie, hoodie, baseball jersey, all resembling Curt Shilling.

Expert: 2012 has received rave reviews, leading to speculation that a Jon Gruden version may be released for 2013.

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Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.

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