Make sure you’re moving as much as you can today. It makes it harder for the snipers on your tail to get a shot off.
You mustn’t insist on doing everything yourself. Give someone else a useful task. Masturbation can get boring.
You are feeling light and breezy and carefree — but you may be the only one! If this is the case, you may want to stop taking those pills…
Get big and crazy today — the more outrageous, the better! That way, people will wonder what the catch is when you show up in a plain suit or dress for a costume party.
You need to revel in whatever good stuff comes your way today, because that good stuff may be few and far between. IE Lindsay Lohan.
It’s good to stand up for what you believe in, but today you should be flexible. Especially if it means sex.
Send some emails or forward some jokes, just to say hi to your favorite people. Or, say hi to their spam folder.
Find a mystery to solve. You may gain enough experience to appear in the next Scooby Doo movie, especially if you can drive The Mystery Van.
Contemplating any travel this year? Today is the day to put things into motion. Especially if traveling means running cross-country, literally.
You have to make an important decision — one that is sure to displease a friend or colleague. Well, you can’t sleep with everyone…
Placing common sense above personal desires can be very empowering. Unless you are assimilated into the Borg. Then there is no empowerment, only the collective.
Your health will be at the front of your mind. If it’s a brain tumor, well, that’s just unfortunately coincidental.