Follow Our Updates!
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • RSS Feed
  • Google+

Horrible Horoscopes: Week of 10-17-2011

0

Aries

ARIES

Make sure you’re moving as much as you can today. It makes it harder for the snipers on your tail to get a shot off.

 

 

 

 


Taurus

TAURUS

You mustn’t insist on doing everything yourself. Give someone else a useful task. Masturbation can get boring.

 

 

 

 


Gemini

GEMINI

You are feeling light and breezy and carefree — but you may be the only one! If this is the case, you may want to stop taking those pills…

 

 

 

 


Cancer

CANCER

Get big and crazy today — the more outrageous, the better! That way, people will wonder what the catch is when you show up in a plain suit or dress for a costume party.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Leo

LEO

You need to revel in whatever good stuff comes your way today, because that good stuff may be few and far between. IE Lindsay Lohan.

 

 

 

 


Virgo

VIRGO

It’s good to stand up for what you believe in, but today you should be flexible. Especially if it means sex.

 

 

 

 


Libra

LIBRA

Send some emails or forward some jokes, just to say hi to your favorite people. Or, say hi to their spam folder.

 

 

 

 


Scorpio

SCORPIO

Find a mystery to solve. You may gain enough experience to appear in the next Scooby Doo movie, especially if you can drive The Mystery Van.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Sagittarius

SAGITTARIUS

Contemplating any travel this year? Today is the day to put things into motion. Especially if traveling means running cross-country, literally.

 

 

 



Capricorn

CAPRICORN

You have to make an important decision — one that is sure to displease a friend or colleague. Well, you can’t sleep with everyone…

 

 

 

 

 

 


Aquarius

AQUARIUS

Placing common sense above personal desires can be very empowering. Unless you are assimilated into the Borg. Then there is no empowerment, only the collective.

 

 




Pisces

PISCES

Your health will be at the front of your mind. If it’s a brain tumor, well, that’s just unfortunately coincidental.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About Author

avatar

Leave A Reply