Washington, DC: After hammering away for hours and hours, Speaker of the House John Boehner has withdrawn from debt ceiling and budget talks with President Obama and Democrats. Boehner, who made the news in January for wielding an unusually large gavel, has been trying for weeks to shove his agenda down Democrats’ throats. Democratic leaders thus far have been unable to swallow the deal that Boehner has given them. As one Boehner aide said, “They just need to lay back, relax, and let us do what we want. It’ll be much less painful that way. If things get all tense, it’s still gonna happen… it’s just going to hurt more.”
On the other side of the aisle, leadership insisted on a different approach. House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi insisted, “We’re not just going to hop in bed with you to get the deal done. I don’t care how massive your debt ceiling is, you’ve got to sweet talk us a little first. At the end of the day, we’re going to have to keep coming over and over and over again to the table until we find a deal that leaves everyone satisfied.”
It appears that the most recent pullout happened during what Boehner himself referred to as a “pregnant pause” in the discussion. Boehner told reporters, “We were going at it pretty hot and heavy. There was some sweating, some cursing, even a little banging against the wall. I think I was starting to get to the Big O–that’s what we call President Obama–when he said those three words every guy hates to hear: ‘I love entitlements.’ Well, obviously talks went soft at that point. I’m not looking for long-term commitment; I just wanna get some relief–tax relief–and get out.”
Afterwards, President Obama expressed a somewhat different interpretation of events. “Sure, that happens to all the guys at some point. If you go at it long enough, sometimes you just lose the drive. But let’s be honest; what killed the mood was when he looked me in the eye and called me ‘President Bush.’ There’s nothing worse than being called the last guy’s name. I kinda flipped out then and told him to reduce his own deficit.”
According to some sources, after the pullout, Mr. Boehner was still so full of pent-up frustration that he went back to his office and finished debating by himself. Afterwards, he is said to have fallen asleep almost immediately. No additional talks have been scheduled at this point, but Mr. Boehner is expected to call President Obama in three days.