ARIES
Be sure to pay careful attention to the most important person in your world today.
Not that one. The other one.
TAURUS
Feeling passionate? Channel that energy into a new direction and get a big reward. Or a big slap in the face. Either, or…
GEMINI
Your brainy energy makes life a lot more interesting today. Perhaps it has to do with the belief that you can levitate cars with your mind.
CANCER
An indecisive coworker could cause you extra work, so help them choose quickly. Better yet, lock them in the utility closet and choose for them. They never get it right, anyway.
Just remember to give them plenty of water.
LEO
Don’t hesitate to ask friends or family for almost anything today. They will be sure to tell you to “wait for Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa/Winter Solstice/etc.”
VIRGO
You may not believe what they’re saying, but they do. And they will bang you over the head with literature, red Nikes, and Enya until you believe it, too.
LIBRA
You are a natural flirt, so when you’re filled up with positive energy like you are today, it’s obvious what’s going to happen: free candy.
SCORPIO
The people drawn to you like you for more than superficial reasons. You have depth. Finally, people will respect your talent at doing the Macarena dance in a Stormtrooper costume.
SAGITTARIUS
You can’t get a certain conversation off your mind. It may have to do with how the person you conversed with said, “I want to wear your face”, but that’s debatable.
CAPRICORN
You ought to be able to take a few significant steps down your career path today. Unless your career path involves taking over the world by drilling to the center of the moon to unleash Cthulhu. Then you may have to wait a bit.
AQUARIUS
If their deep feelings are scaring you, investigate that. Better yet, have THEM investigated.
PISCES
Make a choice early today and stick to it — otherwise, you never know what could come along to distract you. Like a monkey riding a miniature Godzilla down Broadway throwing popcorn balls at people. I hate it when that happens.