Minneapolis, MN: Much like Bill Clinton in the midst of the Monica Lewinsky scandal fumbling for a usable definition of “it”, most people are very curious as to how to interpret the word “this” in Ms. Favre’s statement that she is “dealing with this through faith”. Does she mean heartburn? Her period? The recent drought in Kiln? Or does she mean her husband’s ongoing, and apparently failing, attempts at infidelity with women that look just like Deanna did, oh, about 25 years ago when Deanna was cheering for some Podunk high school in Mississippi. The smart money is on this latter possibility.
Deanna Favre sat down with correspondent J-Sin to recount a recent conversation she had with God regarding this very subject. The conversation was conveniently recorded on her iPhone. It has been noted that God sounds a lot like Orson Welles.
Exclusive excerpts from Deanna’s personal conversation with God:
D: “God, where are you?”
G: “In the bathroom. Ha – just kidding. Ok, next guess – I have better things to do than worry about your infantile husband? Maybe?”
D: “C’mon G, I’m having a very hard time here.”
G: “And from the looks of it, little Brett is having a semi hard time, ha-ha – get it? Ouch, sorry, but you have to admit, I’m funny.”
D: “That was a low blow. Thank you very little.”
G: “Well, I’m short on time – I have some crimes to stop, some church molestations to prevent, etc. Hmm, on second thought, I’ll let it all play out as I’m apparently done for time immemorial. Gee, if I were graded on my work performance I’d get what, a D?”
D: “You’d get an F because today it’s all about me, and my ittle wittle bunny Brett is being naughty again and you just don’t seem to care.
G: “Ok, truth time. And the truth hurts. D, you’ve stood by Brett through SO many trials that it has segued from an admirably defiant ‘stand by your man’ attitude to something sadly comical. Infidelity? You stay. Drugs? You stay. Breast cancer? You stay? More infidelity? You stay. Utter humiliation? You stay. At some point you are going to slip from martyrdom and just be regarded as a stupid person for staying with this ugly, flip flopping, puerile, egomaniacal, infantile twit. Really Deanna, you can do better. Get out, take your half and enjoy your life for the first time in 25 years.”
And with that, God rested.
Category: Barely News