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Ask An Owl: Pole Dancing Exercises

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   I was wondering how much of the newer, wide-spread pole dancing “exercising” classes were becoming so popular with moms. Are they really trying to lose weight, or are they trying to let out their inner slut, which they can’t do as much being a mother.

-Curious Nykki


   Dear Curious Nykki,

   I’m glad that you’ve brought this up. For a long time, pole-dancing has been looked down upon by just about everyone except your normal, testosterone fueled, straight American male that has ever set foot in a strip-club. This happens mostly because the dancing techniques were fueled by such hair bands as Whitesnake and Def Leppard: music that, unless a pair of breasts and a belly-chain were in your face at the time, was never taken too seriously.

   However, pole-dancing was not always about half-naked drunken women trying to act sexy by spinning around on a phallic metaphor. It actually began with Adam West.

   History proves that the first usage of pole-dancing was in conjunction with Batman series. Adam West, byBatman on ghey portraying a caricature of a Batman with pink eye-brows, proved that sliding down a pole could only heighten the homoerotic tendencies of the show. Seeing how quick a clothes-change could be by sliding down a pole prompted every fire department around the globe to install a pole at their station. Surprisingly, this did not prompt The Village People to include a fireman in their dance line.

   The problems began when one fireman, Monty Haabs of Austin, Texas, got drunk and ended up sliding down a pole sideways while Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar On Me” was playing. His partners found the act so invigorating, that they requested it of the strippers at their local gentleman’s club.

   This new-found “pole-dancing” eventually spread to the circus. Circus clowns, being an unhappy and under-sexed bunch, frequent strip-clubs, usually in full make-up and costume. When they saw the pole-dancers, they found a new gimmick to show the female trapeze artists that they continually flirted with in the hopes of getting laid. This brought a whole new view of pole-dancing, as able-bodied gymnasts showed just how artistic spinning around on a phallic metaphor can be.

    I am sure this history of pole-dancing is exactly what the mothers you are referring to are thinking about when deciding to join this new exercise program. These programs are trying to focus on the gymnastics end of pole dancing. Unfortunately, in the beginners classes, most exercisers end up looking like drunken strippers. This doesn’t exactly scream “inner slut” to most.

pole-dancing moms

Hugs and Kisses,

-The Owl

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