Los Angeles, CA: The end of entertainment may finally be upon us, as the Twilight series has swept the 2010 People’s Choice Awards.
History was witnessed last night at the NOKIA Theatre LA, as everyone and anything from the movie Twilight and its sequel, New Moon, won out in the awards. It seemed impossible, but every time the words “…and the winner is…” were uttered, it was followed by “Twilight”.
Award show representatives were stunned at the outcome. “I can’t explain it. Robert Pattinson won the award for ‘Favorite Country Artist’,” stated awards representative Colleen Richardson. “He can’t even f*cking sing in the shower. I know that for a fact!”
The onslaught didn’t stop there. Cast members and the Twilight series as a whole did not only take the awards that were obvious, like ‘Favorite Franchise’, ‘Favorite Breakout Actor’, and ‘Favorite Movie’. The movie also took awards like ‘Best TV Series’, ‘Best R&B Album’, ‘Best Comedy’, and ‘Best Animated TV Show’, to name a few. “We’re really scratching our heads over this,” states CBS spokesman Walt McDonough. “Twilight was not actually nominated for all the categories it had won. We suspect some sort of cyber conspiracy.”
Cyber crime is not out of the question. While global population estimates of insane teenaged girls number around 510 million, there are at least another 100 million men who are fanatics when it comes to Twilight. Half of those are computer nerds with the intelligence and know-how to rig an online voting system such as the People’s Choice Awards.
“Once the hacker, or hackers, entered Twilight into the nomination scripts, all anyone had to do was glance at the nominee boxes and click Twilight wherever they saw it,” explained anti-cyber-terrorist agent Fred Courell. “That type of fanaticism doesn’t come easy, believe me.”
Unfortunately for everyone else in Hollywood, the Twilight series may run for another nine years, and can easily spread so far as to take over the Golden Globes, the Oscars, and maybe even the Grammys. The awards shows on MTV and Nickelodeon had long passed into the Twilight void.
“Are you telling me that a bunch of teenagers that eat deer meat, drive Volvos, and sparkle in the state of Washington are going to stand in my way for an award in animation?” asked a screen-rendered image of Stewie Griffin from Seth MacFarlane’s Family Guy. “F*ck you, man. No, f*ck you! I am so done with Hollywood.”