Georgia to Feature Sex Offenders for Halloween


Marietta, GA: The state of Georgia has been notorious for its restrictions on the lives of sex offenders. Most states restrict sex offenders from living, working, or even strolling within a quarter mile of the mainstays of children such as schools and playgrounds, whereas Georgia goes offenders

   In Georgia, sex offenders are restricted from being anywhere a child is present. It is not merely a site ordinance. If a sex offender finds him or herself within a hundred yards of a child, he is in violation of Georgia law. It doesn’t matter where. The accidental zone-breaking can happen in at church, at a restaurant, a gas station, or even a strip club, as had happened in one case.

   Newly released kid-toucher Miles Frohman had hoped to see the bare female form after spending most of his stay at Metro State Prison with a view of his pillow, so he went to a local high-class Atlanta gentlemen’s club, The Swinging Udder.

   “It wasn’t just that I wanted to get a glimpse of some boobies. I needed a place to evaluate where I was going in life, and with Georgia’s restrictions for people like me, it seemed to be the only place I could go to safely,” explained Mr. Frohman.

   Unfortunately for Mr. Frohman, not even The Swinging Udder was a safe haven. When federal agents learned that Miles Frohman was at The Swinging Udder, the exact location that infamous dancer Sheila Shortdate was employed at, they swiftly intervened and escorted Miles Frohman out of the tittie bar.

   Sheila Shortdate, aka Sheila Constantina, gained city-wide fame as a pregnant stripper. He major claim to fame was always being pregnant, and strip club managers paid top rates in order to book her at their clubs for this novelty.

   At the time that Miles Frohman has entered The Swinging Udder, Sheila Shortdate was in her third trimester of pregnancy. Since Georgia sex offender restrictions state that a fetus “in utero from the third trimester on” is considered a child, Mr. Frohman was in violation of Georgia law.

   Because of restrictions such as these, sex offenders have recently been forced to live in tents in the woods off of highways and rivers, moving any time their child protector device beeps. Some believe this to be inhumane treatment and dangerous to the community, but the state of Georgia has come up with a way to give sex offenders an important role in the community this Halloween season.

   Within the proximity of these little sex offender communes, Halloween signs will be erected, stating that monsters, zombies, and libertarians crawl in the woods, looking for children to eat. Some communities will go further in order to help the tent-dwellers achieve a sense of worth by setting up walking Halloween tours of the tent areas, restricted to those 17 or older.

   “I’m gonna be John Wayne Gacy! Again!” exclaimed former NAMBLA member Ozzie Romanello.

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