Cannes, FRANCE: Paris Hilton has reportedly lost her Blackberry during a recent trip to France to attend the Cannes International Film Festival. Industry insiders are amazed at her carelessness because this is not the first time that Miss Hilton had misplaced this notorious device. In 2005, she had “lost” her Sidekick, which angered many of her famous friends and acquaintances after their phone numbers appeared on the internet. Now she is bracing herself for the latest fallout that is sure to come.
“I don’t know where or when it went missing, but I know I’ve got to find it. It’s the worst thing that could have happened. It has all my contacts, schedules, shopping lists, and nudie pictures in it, and the last thing I want is for all of that to fall into the wrong hands,” Hilton stated to Britain’s Daily Mail.
George Clooney, for one, is displeased. “Again? Jesus, I knew I shouldn’t have given that idiot my number. Or that crotch shot from when I was drunk at The Regent.”
“Are you serious?” asked Sean Combs, a.k.a. Puff Daddy, a.k.a. P. Diddy, a.k.a. I’m Rich, Bitch. “That girl is so dumb she sits on the t.v. and watches the sofa. She ain’t getting my number anymore. Buy my new album.”
“I just want to apologize to all of my famous friends, especially the really, really famous ones. Like, I swear this will not happen again,” pleaded Hilton.
“The weeeasel accepts your apology! Buuuuddy…” exclaimed a short, curly-haired man in his early forties, who appeared, suddenly, by her side. He was immediately pounced upon by Hilton’s bodyguards and beaten mercilessly.
It was later learned that the stalker was none other than B-List comedian Pauly Shore.
There is no word yet on the status of Hilton’s Blackberry or Shore’s condition. It is also unknown how Pauley Shore gained access to the Cannes International Film Festival to begin with.