Chicago, IL- This morning, Barack Obama’s campaign issued the following press release:
“Today we would like to address a growing concern on the part of the Obama/Biden campaign: what appears to be a growing trend in the satirical media to cover our opponents’ campaign, rather than our own. Everywhere you look, the McCain/Palin ticket is receiving the lion’s share of coverage. They dominate the opening portion of The Daily Show. Articles about Palin are all over The Onion’s website. Even the corpses that write for Saturday Night Live have re-animated long enough to churn out a couple of good skits about the GOP ticket.
We are concerned that there is a growing liberal bias to the media, which leaves us out in the cold. While we can expect to be mocked by such nonpartisan news sources as Fox News and The Drudge Report, we have been almost entirely ignored by the satirical community. Let’s be honest here; the current Republican ticket is easy pickings. John McCain just begs to have Viagra jokes made about him. And Sarah Palin, well… okay, pretty much any time she opens her mouth, the jokes write themselves. But what about us? If you saw SNL’s vice-presidential debate skit, the only thing they could come up with for Biden was the whole “I love McCain” thing? Come on. And, seriously, have you seen Obama’s ears? Who left the car doors open, there? Can’t we get some jokes about those things?
We acknowledge that more people watch Comedy Central at 11 PM than their local news outlet. We realize that more people check The Onion in a day than The Wall Street Journal. In this world of rapid change (and remember, ‘change’ was our motto first!), we know that you have to get your message to the masses by whatever means necessary. If that means dumbing down our 50-page plan for America into a series of dick and fart jokes, so be it. But we cannot do it without the media’s help. So today we ask all the satirists out there to start making fun of us. Except no race jokes. That’s not cool.”
Some changes are being worked into the Obama campaign, in order to encourage the media’s mockery. Freudian slips and stuttering gaffes (most of which are simply transcribed George W. Bush quotes) are being written into all of Obama’s speeches in order to better dumb him down. Likewise, Joe Biden is currently shopping for lipstick, librarian glasses, and fuck-me pumps to wear while stumping along the campaign trail. There is no word yet on whether any “wardrobe malfunctions” are being planned in the near future.