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McMahon Enters Sweepstakes

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Beverly Hills, CA: In lieu of recently public financial troubles, Ed McMahon had recently entered the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, of which he is the celebrity spokesman for, with a response of awkwardness and anger from his adoring public.

   Most noted as Johnny Carson’s right-hand man and “human laugh track” on The Tonight Show, 85 year old McMahon “Hiyooooo!”-ed himself by defaulting on his mortgage, and has been trying to sell his Beverly Hills Ed McMahon finances The Tonight Showestate ever since.

   Add to that the severe neck injury McMahon suffered in 2007 and over half a million dollars in credit card debt to American Express®, and it is plain to see the predicament Ed McMahon is facing. It is only fitting that he would try to scrounge up any funds available, such as playing the lottery and trying to be the lucky winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.

   However, this idea is not without its own problems. “I’m not sure the exact clauses we had written into Ed’s contract, but I would think that we would have somehow blocked him from winning the contest he is paid to advertise. It’s just bad business ethics to award him the SuperPrize, if he was indeed selected,” explained marketing director Chad Kramer. “Besides, what’s he going to do, show up at his own house with that big check and pretend to hand it to himself? What the hell kind of photo-op is that!?”

   Most companies have strict guidelines to the eligibility of their employees and their family in company-sponsored contests, however in Ed McMahon’s case, he is not technically an employee, but a celebrity spokesperson who makes a stipend for his appearances on TV, radio, and when handing a check the size of a Buick to the lucky winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes. He has no real clout within the corporation that runs the contest.

   “Honestly, Ed was so rich at the time, the last thing we thought was, ‘Woah, better make sure he knows he can’t win this thing himself.’ The man was wiping his ass with a fistful of $100 dollar bills every day. It seemed unreal he would try to win a measely $1 million himself,” Mr. Kramer noted.

   Other celebrities, facing dire financial situations themselves due to recent national economic troubles, have followed McMahon’s lead. Veteran football quarterback Vinny Testaverde recently applied to the Athletes For Hope Foundation in the hopes of landing another starting position in the NFL and paying off his mortgage for the year. Child-star from the 80’s Corey Haim, upon learning of the pittance he would receive for his reality show alongside Corey Feldman, was allegedly seen grabbing dropped change meant for a United Way donation bucket in Hollywood. Documentary director Michael Moore was even seen recently in New York City, dressed in a rumpled suit and knit cap, shoving a poverty-stricken woman out of a soup kitchen line.

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Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.

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