Organizers tire of protests, who have tired of organizers.
Tokyo, Japan – The organizers of the G8 summit, an annual meeting of economic superpowers to discuss global financial issues, have decided to hold their 2008 summit on the surface of the moon. The leaders assembled in Japan, the previously selected location for 2008, in order to hold a press conference.
“We have decided that in order to get the most global perspective possible, we need to get to a place where we can see the whole planet. And what better place than the moon? Sure, it may be somewhat far removed from the economic systems being discussed. But we’ve always been philosophically removed from those realities, so it should not be much of a stretch,” said Vladimir Putin, senior G8 leader.
Already, a sharp divide can be seen between those G8 nations who have viable space programs and those who do not. Offers are being made to carpool, but the nations with space programs have been making requests of those who would hitch a ride. Livestock, oil, or crops are being requested in exchange for transport, or as one NASA official said, “Ass, gas, or grass. Nobody rides for free.” Additionally, Canada has already called “shotgun” in the United States’ shuttle, leaving France no choice but to ride “bitch” in the middle.
On the flip side, those who oppose the G8 summit are gearing up to carry the torch for impoverished nations. George Soros plans to finance the construction and launch of a space shuttle to carry protesters to the moon. It will be able to transport approximately 20 protesters, as well as a dozen placards, four banners, and a half-dozen video cameras to record any incidents of police brutality (though admittedly spacesuits make the probability of physical violence or pepper spray relatively low).
The shuttle’s design is intended to be very eco-conscious, as well. According to Soro’s press release, the shuttle will be fueled by an environmentally friendly source. “We have built a space-worthy vehicle able to run entirely upon hot air. Therefore, U2’s Bono will be joining us not just as a voice for poverty, but also as the fuel source for the entire operation,” Soros boasted.
The estimated cost for both groups to reach the moon (and to possibly return after the summit ends) is over $200 million. Miriam McNeil, chairperson of the internationally-known poverty advocacy group FAPO, pointed out the obvious irony of spending so much money to argue over the state of poverty on Earth. She was promptly told to hush by both parties, who planned to have their high-priced lawyers slug it out in court over whose rocket was bigger.