Congress Passes Gun Control
Washington, DC: Today, a joint commission of Republicans and Democrats called a press conference to announce they had finally come to an agreement and passed landmark gun control legislation, an…
Horrible Horoscopes: Week of 4-15-2013
It’s been a foggy night, and I can’t tell if the stars are there or have all burst and become black holes. No matter. I’ll wing this week’s horoscopes. It…
Horrible Horoscopes: Week of 4-11-2013
The stars are bastards. They build you up only to break you down, then take the kids, the house, and all of your money so you’re left in a boarding…
North Korea to US: We Could Totally Kick Your Ass. We Just Don’t Feel Like It Right Now
Washington, DC: Today, officials in North Korea issued a strongly worded threat to the US assuring Americans that the North Korean military power is much stronger than theirs. The exact…
State of the Union 2013: Obama and the GOP Find Common Ground in Finger-Pointing
Washington, DC: Obama’s state of the union speech and the GOP’s response agreed on a common point: That it’s all the other guy’s fault. Obama came out smiling and looking…
Presidential Voting Results Marred By Insanity
Mitt Romney called a news conference to say: “To quote that great American, Yogi Berra, ‘It ain’t over until it’s deja vu all over again and the fat Democrat lady…
CORRECTION: Obama Defeats Romney
Chicago, IL: We here at the Inept Owl would like to apologize for our previous article, which may have insinuated somehow that Romney had won the 2012 election. We’re just…
Mitt Romney Wins 2012 Election
Washington, DC: As of today, the election committee has called the 2012 race for Mitt Romney. After almost two years of dramatic, news-catching struggle, America finally has a new president.…
The Second Presidential Debate: Binders Full of Women
Hempstead, New York: On Tuesday, the two presidential contenders entered the ring surrounded by a swarm of Joe-the-Plumber yahoos crying out for the blood they paid for. Romney ducked objects…
Vice-Presidential Debate: Grumpy Old Man and the Numbers Guy
Danville, Kentucky: This past Thursday it was VP on VP action as Joe “big f—king deal” Biden and Paul “three-hour-marathon” Ryan teed off in a state known for the two…