Rush Limbaugh to be Replaced by Rusho Limbaguez on Radio
Palm Beach, FL: Rush Limbaugh’s resistance to immigration reform may have been strengthened this past weekend, as it was learned that Rush, as well as Sean Hannity, would not have…
Economic Rebound Restarts Local Man’s Debt Cycle
Tempe, AZ: On Wednesday, an anonymous source at Wachovia leaked documents that revealed Bill Gunderson, of Tempe, Arizona, has capitalized on the rebounding economy by burying himself under two mortgages…
Florida Police Thwart Brutally Adorable Puppy Attack
Miami, FL: Last week, Florida police reacted quickly to prevent a violent incident by subduing a14-year old boy and his baby pit bull. The confrontation occurred during the afternoon on…
Senate Passes “No Soup for You” Bill
Washington, DC: This past week, the Senate passed a bill making those convicted of violent crimes ineligible from receiving food stamps. The bill was sponsored by Republican Senator and DC…
Gun Nuts Attempt to Ruin 3D Printers for Everyone
Austin, TX: As common knowledge of 3D printer capabilities continues to grow, a bunch of dicks from Texas decided that the best way to let people know more about them…
President Obama Comes Out of Conservative Closet
Washington, DC: This past week, President Obama unveiled his plan to cater to groups heretofore underrepresented in his administration, specifically radical conservatives, conspiracy theorists, and Dick Cheney enthusiasts. Throughout his…
Marco Rubio Pledges to be More Latino, Moist
Tallahassee, Florida: In a press conference today in his home state, Senator Marco Antonio Ricardo Carlos Velasquez Rubio announced that he was going “Full-Latino”, adding at the end of his…
Opponents to Women in Military Insist They’re Not Misogynists
All across the country, people have been reacting to Defense Secretary Leon Panetta’s announcement last week that officially rescinded the rule banning women from serving in combat positions. This decision…
GOP Calls Obamacare Ruling A Victory
Washington, DC: The GOP has come out with a statement calling the Supreme Court’s 5-4 decision upholding the individual mandate a victory for conservative forces around the US. This was…
Researching Potential VPs, Journalist Dies of Boredom
Washington, DC: For months now, journalists around the country and the world have been entering hospital emergency rooms with complaints of headaches, nausea and a myriad of other symptoms, and…