Reeves and Zimmerman to Co-Star in Action Comedy, “Food Attack Defense Squad”
Hollywood is set to cast Curtis Reeves and George Zimmerman in a new action comedy film, Food Attack Defense Squad.
Movie Theaters Consider Adding “Don’t Shoot People” to Preview Guides
Movie theater management responds to latest fatal shooting with plans to put giant graphics on the screen telling the audience not to shoot people.
NJ Traffic Scandal Labeled Military Exercise by Christie Supporters
Gov. Chris Christie's traffic scandal could be the next step in military strategy.
Republicans Celebrate Party’s Triumph Over Science
GOP leaders gathered yesterday to celebrate a successful year for the Republican Party, capped off with an 11% decline in the belief in evolution with their colleagues.
Polar Vortex Leads to Officially ‘Fucking Cold’ Temperatures
With twenty-six states in the midst of wind-chill warnings and other temperature alerts due to a polar vortex, meteorologists across the Midwest have finally come to an agreement: it's fucking…
Local Asshole Refuses to Have a Happy New Year
Happy New Year? No thanks, already had one.
Spoiled Rich Kids Cower In Terror of Affluenza Outbreak
It has now been learned that being a spoiled rich kid also comes with the genetic disposition to become afflicted with a harrowing condition known as affluenza.
Volcker Rule Requires Bankers to Pinky-Swear Not to Crash Economy
Washington, DC: Proponents of financial reform are celebrating the revised Volcker Rule, which imposes a strict requirement that the heads of the banking industry promise to never ruin the economy…
War on Christmas Portrays Historical Discrimination Against Rich, White, Christian Men
Look out, minorities. There's a new socially maligned group in the United States, and they're not going to take it anymore: rich, white, Christian men.
Volcker Rule Raises Eyes in Banks, Vegas
Las Vegas, NV: With the adoption of the latest Dodd-Frank financial overhaul law, dubbed "the Volcker Rule," set to be implemented in 2015, banks aren't the only companies scurrying for…