Star Wars 3-D: Blame Yourself, Not George Lucas
No, I am not a fan of the re-released versions of Star Wars as a result. It wasn't until this 3-D release, however, that I began to fully understand the…
An Idiot’s Guide to College Sex Week
When it comes to the word “sex”, the dirtier mind comes to certain conclusions no matter what other words are attached to it. Take the phrase, "Carnal Misinterpretations of Sex…
Bill Hinzman Terrorizes Pittsburgh
Pittsburgh, PA: Most noted as the first zombie of George Romero's Night of the Living Dead, camera assistant turned actor Bill Hinzman passed away Sunday at his Darlington, Pa. home…
Punxsutawney Phil Predicts More Winter: Pennsylvanians Stock Up on Sunblock
Punxsutawney, PA: Once again, our furry meteorologists have poked their heads out into the world for the sole purpose of telling us when to expect winter to be over. This…
Patriots Coach Belichick to Install New Gate at Home
Weston, MA: In celebration of the New England Patriots making it to their 5th Super Bowl in 10 years, coach Bill Belichick recently instigated plans for building a 4th gate…
The 2012 Republican Debate in Florida: An Oblivious Pictorial Review
The second Republican debate in Florida was held yesterday, pitting the political powerhouses Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Newt Gingrich, and some guy named Rick against each other in a battle…
Death Cab for Cutie to Launch Farewell Zooey Tour
Los Angeles, CA: After two month's of separation and a month of divorce proceedings, "Death Cab for Cutie" frontman Ben Gibbard is planning to say goodbye to Zooey Deschanel the…
What Is Dirty Dancing Anymore?
I am not a big fan of Dirty Dancing. Sure, Jennifer Grey was one of my "just turned adolescent" fantasies thanks to Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I don't know if…
Joe Paterno Fails to Replace Abe Vigoda Joke
University Park, PA: After only a few hours and minimal faulty news reports, reality was finally confirmed: Abe Vigoda is still alive. Unfortunately for legendary Penn State football coach Joe…
New Jersey Lobbies for Giants Super Bowl Parade to be Held on Turnpike
East Rutherford, NJ: A decades-long debate was reopened once again on Wednesday as New Jersey governor Chris Christie opened his big mouth without any intention of putting food in it.…