Students Rally Against Progress
After more evidence surfaced for an additional element, students across the nation have banded together to protest the possible change to the periodic table, under the banner that they, “Don’t…
First Carnivorous Mammal Species Discovered in 35 Years, Public Demands Adorable YouTube Videos
Upon the recent discovery of another carnivorous mammal species in the cloud forests of Ecuador and Columbia, considerable public demand for adorable YouTube videos of the animal, the olinguito, has…
Man Claims There is Nothing to Do, Entire Earth Exists Around Him
Chicago, IL: On a recent day off from work, Chicago resident Dale Woodruff claimed that there was “nothing to do” despite an entire Earth full of endless possibilities existing right…
Pope Francis Progressive in Catholic Church by Saying the Word Gay
New York, NY: The newly elected Pope Francis continued a recent string of high profile, unexpected statements on divisive issues for the Catholic Church recently by saying “Who am I…
NYC Mayoral Race Heats Up As Weiner Faces Opposition From Carlos Danger
New York, NY: The race for New York City’s next mayor became even more confusing interesting on Thursday as disgraced former congressman Anthony Weiner now faces opposition from a new…
People Now Wondering Where They Can Go Without Shit Exploding
New York, NY: Following the latest tragedy of the Boeing 777 plane crash in San Francisco, concerned Americans are now wondering if there is anywhere they can go without shit…
Zimmerman Defense Lawyer Follows Up Knock-Knock Joke With Stand-up Set
Sanford, FL: As the high profile trial of George Zimmerman in the murder of Trayvon Martin reconvened on Monday, Zimmerman’s defense lawyer Don West followed up the knock-knock joke used…
Beauty Pageants Changing Question Portion In Wake of Recent Gaffe
New York, NY: After the airing of the most recent Miss USA pageant, in which hopeful Miss Utah flubbed a question on equal pay for women in the workforce, pageant…
Summer Brings More Positive Outlooks, Time Spent Outdoors, Horrible Spiders
Chicago, IL: As the summer solstice approaches and temperatures rise to more comfortable levels, people are finally emerging outdoors after a long winter. Parks are filled with happy couples enjoying…
Gun Nuts Attempt to Ruin 3D Printers for Everyone
Austin, TX: As common knowledge of 3D printer capabilities continues to grow, a bunch of dicks from Texas decided that the best way to let people know more about them…