Signer at Mandela Memorial Apologizes for “Fat Space Omelette”
The sign language interpreter at the memorial for Nelson Mandela apologized for his recent misinterpretations such as Fat Space Omelette.
Dick Cousin Refuses to Pass Gravy on Thanksgiving
Preliminary reports for Thanksgiving indicate that dick cousin Andrew McDonald refused to pass anyone the gravy boat.
George Zimmerman Currently On Front Lawn Digging Massive Hole
George Zimmerman, arrested once again, is out on his front lawn digging a very large hole and does not show any signs of stopping.
Special Agent Found Tied Up in Rucksack, Weighted Down with Cinder Blocks, and Locked Up With Chains’ Death Likely “Accidental”
After a full investigation, City of London Chief Inspector David Hammond has ruled the death of MI6 agent Richard Moore a “very unfortunate accident.”
Most Emotionally Distant Galaxy Discovered
In an exciting discovery, astronomers based in Hawaii’s Keck Observatory have confirmed the existence of the “most emotionally distant” galaxy yet.
Robots Revealed that Cannot be Pushed Over, have Cupholders
In an effort to showcase the most useless ideas in robotics, Boston Dynamics unveiled Atlas and WildCat.
Proprietors of Kobuk Valley National Park Unaware of Any Changes
One day after the U.S. government shut down operations, the proprietors and caretakers of Kobuk Valley National Park, one of the least visited national parks in the United States, appear…
Nation’s Hysterics Bravely Reporting Dangers of Fukushima Run-off
America’s hysterics are still paying close attention to any long-term effects the run-off from the Fukushima plant could cause two years later.
NSA Pleads with Public to Stop Joking About Them in Private Conversations and Email
Amid the ongoing controversy over the NSA’s domestic spying program, the government organization has asked people to stop making jokes about the NSA reading said conversations.
Pop Stars Film Takes You Behind the Scenes of Unrealistically Fake Moments
The One Direction film gives viewers a glimpse of the studio-engineered antics and professionally-directed monologues that they engage in backstage.