Russia Implements “No Child Return” Policy
Washington, DC: Prompted by the case of Artyom Savelyev, Russia is implementing a “No Child Return Policy” when it comes to foreign adoptions. Savelyev, a 7 year old Russian boy,…
Meg-Anne’s Biography
Meg Anne is a Yankee-turned-Southern Belle. Born in the great state of New Jersey, her parents had enough sense to spirit her out of the Garden State before Jersey Shore…
Church Group Prays the Porn Away
Reminiscent of the Christian-prescribed “pray the gay away” solution to homosexuality, a Kansas church has formed a support group for women who claim to be addicted to pornography. The solution…
School Music Club to Sell Shit
While most schools sell baked goods or magazine subscriptions to raise money, the school music booster club in the Central Community Unit School District 301 has decided to sell bags…
Doctors Perform C-Section; Find Gas-Bubble
Two local gynecologists received a stern slap on the wrist recently for attempting a Cesarean section on a woman that was not, in fact, pregnant. In 2008, a rotund woman…
Stephenie Meyer Mails In New Vampire Book
Stephenie Meyer, the super-rich author of the Twilight series, has unveiled plans to publish The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, a 192-page novella centered on a newborn vampire introduced…
Salaries Cut; Librarians Forced to Moonlight
Due to continued pressure from government officials, public libraries across the state have slashed the salaries of their librarians last week. The typically docile librarians took to the streets this…