Shaq to Attempt Career in the NBA
Cleveland, OH: Actor/rapper/social satirist Shaquille O'Neal announced this morning that, having attempted nearly every other career field known to man, he will begin in the fall to play professional basketball.…
Chevy Volt Confuses MPG Specialists
This Tuesday, US automaker General Motors revealed the miles-per-gallon, or MPG, statistics for their upcoming new model, the Chevy Volt. According to their statistics, the vehicle will get "infinity plus…
Obama Fails to Change World in Six Months
Washington, DC: As President Obama reached the six-month anniversary of his taking the Oath of Office, his administration was officially dubbed a failure by the American populace. "That good-fer-nothin Muslim…
Manchester Orchestra’s “Mean Everything To Nothing”
When you start up the first track on an album and you involuntarily say “What the hell?” it’s either a really good thing, or a really bad thing. There’s not…
Common Cold Sweeping the Globe
Just as fear of swine flu began sweeping across North America, scientists in Europe noticed an even more disturbing trend: the spread of the common cold. While the common cold…
Somali Pirates Pick New Targets
Early Wednesday morning, young Somali pirates, frustrated in their attempts to capture U.S. cargo ships, revealed a new strategy by hijacking two kayaks, a paddleboat, and the log flume ride…
Historian Discovers Roots of St. Patrick’s Day
Dr. Haggis O'Connell, renowned professor of European Studies at Harvard University, has discovered ancient texts revealing a surprising secret: the celebration of St. Patrick's Day once related to a hero…
Review of Lily Allen’s “It’s Not Me, It’s You”
(Editor’s note: Darby turned in a music review this week that was not up to the usual high standards we have here at The Inept Owl. However, when we tried…
A-Rod Tests Positive for SUCK
New York, NY: In the past week, it has been revealed that New York Yankees’ 3rd baseman Alex Rodriguez tested positive for banned performance-enhancing substances as a part of random,…
Secret Service Unveils New Limo for Obama
At a White House press conference this morning, Secret Service staff revealed the new limo that will be used to transport Barack Obama from place to place. Dubbed the "Changemobile,"…