Mitt Romney Wins 2012 Election
Washington, DC: As of today, the election committee has called the 2012 race for Mitt Romney. After almost two years of dramatic, news-catching struggle, America finally has a new president.…
Hurricane Sandy Announces Support for Obama
New York, NY: Today, Hurricane Sandy answered the question on everyone’s mind by endorsing Obama for president. Some may argue that the question on everyone’s mind was more likely “When…
The Third Party Debate: Someone Else 2012!
Probably Berkeley, California: Apparently there was another debate this week, but you might not have seen it underneath the headlines about Donald Trump’s latest political analysis. Four of the major…
The Final Presidential Debate 2012: Horses and Bayonets
Boca Raton, Florida: On Monday, the warring candidates sat down for their third and final debate. Both knew what was at stake here. Obama was facing a resurgent Romney, whose…
The Second Presidential Debate: Binders Full of Women
Hempstead, New York: On Tuesday, the two presidential contenders entered the ring surrounded by a swarm of Joe-the-Plumber yahoos crying out for the blood they paid for. Romney ducked objects…
Vice-Presidential Debate: Grumpy Old Man and the Numbers Guy
Danville, Kentucky: This past Thursday it was VP on VP action as Joe “big f—king deal” Biden and Paul “three-hour-marathon” Ryan teed off in a state known for the two…
Obama VS Romney Round 1: From Anniversaries to Hating China
Wednesday night was the first opportunity for Obama and Romney to really get to the core of the differences between their platforms. This was a real challenge for Romney, who…
The 47% March On Washington
Washington, DC: Yesterday, a little less than half the number of people that usually attend protests organized on the National Mall to demonstrate their indignation at being called victims by…
Bill Clinton Affirms Status as Sexiest President
Charlotte, NC: Wednesday night, former president Bill Clinton delivered a speech in front of the Democratic National Convention that defined the term “Silver Fox”. Obama could only stand offstage and…
Florida Law Defines Life as Beginning at Drunken College Party
Gainesville, FL: Governor Rick Scott of Florida, in reaction to Arizona passing their “life begins two weeks before conception” law, has signed a bill redefining life as starting even earlier.…