Beverly Hills, CA: The improbable has happened. After two years of lurking in the shadows of Facebook, MySpace showed the world that it was, somehow, still around this week by being sold by News Corp. for around $35 million. The biggest surprise is how much was recouped from when News Corp. bought the social networking site for $580 million six years ago, as the site had fallen into the realm of Friendster.com and Hi5.com years ago.
“I don’t even remember my MySpace password,” stated social media dork Peter Eggnan. “Ever since people were unknowingly loading computer viruses because of imbedded profile images, I locked that shit down with a random password because, like any social website, you can never seem to close down a profile.”
Mr. Eggnan and many others had begun migrating to Facebook three years ago when MySpace failed to keep the comfortable structure that users enjoyed. After a slew of constant updates, fake profile hacks, and annoying glittery embedded pictures in comment sections, over three quarters of Myspace users made Facebook their day-to-day social online tool with MySpace on the “check every few months or so for nostalgic purposes.”
MySpace itself has begun migrating its application to Facebook, emailing a like for users to “like” them on Facebook. currently they have 556,260 versus Facebook’s 47,000,000+.
“Of course we set up a Facebook page,” explained former MySpace executive Allan Bigsley. “Anyone who’s anyone has a Facebook page, and we’ve got a ton of likes! We’re beating out Pauley Shore, the Westboro Baptist Church, and Eating Poop, so obviously the public still respects us.”
When asked how many of those likes were from the fake profiles that had polluted MySpace at the beginning, Bigsley denied it. “Certainly Facebook has guarding filters against that, which we could never implement. No, these likes are legitimate. Just message Tom Myspacoli and Missy Spacey yourselves.”