Las Vegas, NV: In an effort to lock up more of the elite fighters in the sport of mixed martial arts(MMA), Dana White and company haved officially purchased Showtime’s Strikeforce, a non-pay-per-view fight night that, unlike Affliction, undercut UFC viewers on nights that both companies had a fight card.
With the purchase, Ultimate Fighting Championship’s parent company Zuffa now holds controlling interest, both directly & indirectly, in all well-known MMA promotional fight cards. With this last move, Dana White has all but guaranteed that if the legendary enigmatic fighter Fedor Emelianenko ever hopes to fight again on television, he would finally have to succumb to White’s contractual stipulations.
“I’ve been chasing Fedor for close to 5 years,” explained White. “Now, our organization is all there is. So come on down, Emmy! I’ve got some balls that need waxing.”
Oddly enough, Fedor had mentioned the possibility of never fighting again after his loss against Antonio Silva in Strikeforce’s Heavyweight World Grand Prix tournament. With the recent purchase of Strikeforce, Fedor may be forced to stay home, pray, and do whatever it is he does when not fighting.
Unfortunately for the UFC, the purchase of Strikeforce leads to the ownership of other, less enviable, contracts. Heavyweight fighter-turned-porcelain-prince Andrei Arlovski will be thrust back into Dana White’s line of sight for the third time. Rumor has it that White plans to put Arlovski on cards featuring midget wrestlers and wheelchaired clowns in order to help Arlovski’s self-esteem, or finally smash it to dust.
When asked where his expansion may lead him in the future, sources say Dana White speculated boxing, the NHL, the NFL, and the New York Mets as being likely candidates. There have also been rumors of negotiations in China for the purchase of the United States’ debt. With such a move, Dana White can assure himself a presidential run.