Oklahoma City, OK: It is a hard road to find a way past the slam dunks of Blake Griffin in order to hear about actual basketball games. Every other day, ESPN’s Play of the Day involves Blake Griffin slamming a basketball through the net, whether it is while flipping, spinning, or bouncing off a trampoline and over a Kia.
The fact that Griffin’s team, the Los Angeles Clippers, have a 21-36 record is secondary.
“Analysts say that there is too much emphasis placed on Blake and his slam-dunk showboating,” stated Clippers coach Vinny Del Negro. “But why else would anyone come see the Clippers? We play whenever the Lakers let us. We haven’t been a real playoff contender since 1975. We don’t even having a fucking mascot to entertain the crowd with!”
The fact that the Clippers don’t have a mascot was what lead to the drafting of Blake Griffin in the first place. “Well, he looks like a big sailboat, I guess,” stated Clippers legend Bill Walton. “Or, at least he looks preppie enough to know how to ride one, or whatever you do with sailboats.”
And so, Blake Griffin has dunked throughout games in the hopes to rally both teammates and Clippers fans alike. Unfortunately it has not brought wins, as few suspected, leading Griffin supporters to believe that the game should be changed to suit the fledgling superstar.
“What’s so special about 3-pointers? It’s like a free-throw, but further away,” stated Clippers fan Neil Shlokum. “Now dunking, that’s something special. They should give players, like, 5 points for dunks. And if the dunk is really awesome, like Blake Griffin’s, they should get even more! 10, 20, whatever. We’ll have judges, like for the slam dunk contest!”
NBA commissioner David Stern declined to comment on any possible changes of point-qualifiers in games.
For now, Blake Griffin will continue to dunk to his heart’s content. In his hometown return to Oklahoma last night, Griffin managed to dunk on the Thunder’s defense while saving a baby falling out of a tree. Unfortunately, the Clippers lost the game by 23 points.