Welcome back, football fans, to our quasi-professional football picks! Each week we will pick game winners based on Vegas over/under lines, and add some sharp commentary to key games. The records have been getting closer and closer, which means that if it ends in a tie, the editor may keep the trophy for himself! Hopefully, that doesn’t happen, as we would be forced to set a death pool for him.

Thursday, December 2nd, 2010

VS

Houston Texans @ Philadelphia Eagles

LINE: Eagles (PHI) by 9

Rick Bernardo

I really don’t care about this game, per se. I just want to see some hard hitting, mega take-downs, a haymaker or two, an uppercut…make it happen, Andre. Pick: Eagles-WIN 

 Darby Shaw: Pick: Texans-LOSS 

Steve Elle: Pick: Eagles-WIN 

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Eagles-WIN 

Sunday, December 5th, 2010

VS

New Orleans Saints @ Cincinnati Bengals

LINE: Saints (NOR) by 7

Darby Shaw

Every year, I ask Santa for one thing, and one thing only. And each year, Santa obliges me and gives me exactly what I want: a Bengals implosion in December. Pick: Saints-LOSS

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Saints-LOSS 

Steve Elle: Pick: Bengals-WIN 

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Saints-LOSS  

VS

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions

LINE: Bears (CHI) by 4

Darby Shaw: Pick: Bears-LOSS 

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Bears-LOSS   

Steve Elle: Pick: Lions-WIN

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Bears-LOSS 

VS

San Francisco 49ers @ Green Bay Packers

LINE: Packers (GNB) by 10

Darby Shaw: Pick: Packers-WIN 

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Packers-WIN

Steve Elle: Pick: Packers-WIN

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Packers-WIN

VS

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Tennessee Titans

LINE: EVEN

 Darby Shaw: Pick: Jaguars-WIN

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Jaguars-WIN   

Steve Elle: Pick: Jaguars-WIN  

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Jaguars-WIN 

VS

Denver Broncos @ Kansas City Chiefs

LINE: Chiefs (KAN) by 9

Rob Wheatley

Well according to my information, the Broncos are in a right mess and have been described as being ‘in the cellar’ of the AFC West blah blah blah, whatever that was. Anyway, I’ve since broken into that cellar and drank several pints of Grappa and then ‘lifted & shifted’ a case or twelve of that Chateaux de Gateaux if you know what I mean, if anyone needs some, cheap…if you get what I’m saying..The old Van Rooj ! Hang on, I’ve corked. Chiefs WIN on account of keeping away from the Vino.
 Pick: Chiefs-LOSS 

Darby Shaw: Pick: Broncos-WIN

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Broncos-WIN   

Steve Elle: Pick: Chiefs-LOSS  

VS

Cleveland Browns @ Miami Dolphins

LINE: Dolphins (MIA) by 5

Steve Elle

Chad Henne is back in the fold. Coming off his best game of the season (interestingly sans Brandon Marshall) he will try to work against an improving Browns team. Peyton (Place) Hillis will attempt to keep the ball (and by ball I mean his feet, not his testicles; or testicle) rolling in what has become a breakout year. This should be a close game featuring two improving teams. Pick: Dolphins-LOSS 

Darby Shaw: Pick: Dolphins-LOSS 

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Browns-WIN   

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Browns-WIN 

VS

Buffalo Bills @ Minnesota Vikings

LINE: Vikings (MIN) by 6

Darby Shaw

Dear Brett Favre: How sweet of you, to give your new interim coach the game ball last week. Only one problem: the coach gives the game ball to a player, not the other way around. You presumptuous asshat. Pick: Vikings-WIN 

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Vikings-WIN 

Steve Elle: Pick: Bills-LOSS

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Vikings-WIN 

VS

Washington Redskins @ New York Giants

LINE: Giants (NYG) by 7

Rob Wheatley

Potatoes are great ain’t they ? If you agree, then this is a special day for you. You can usually find a Red-skinned potato in almost any shop, and I have often seen giant potatoes too while out on my various tuber-based journeys. So strap yourself in and….here we go..The Redskins look like thay have been mashed and creamed and maybe even had their chips this season, remember that game against the Miami Dauphinoise? And…….Oh,I just can’t go on.. Redskins WIIIINNNNN Pick: Redskins-LOSS 

Darby Shaw: Pick: Giants-WIN

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Giants-WIN

Steve Elle: Pick: Giants-WIN 

VS

Oakland Raiders @ San Diego Chargers

LINE: Chargers (SDG) by 13

Darby Shaw: Pick: Raiders-WIN

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Raiders-WIN

Steve Elle: Pick: Chargers-LOSS

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Chargers-LOSS   

VS

Dallas Cowboys @ Indianapolis Colts

LINE: Colts (IND) by 6

Darby Shaw

At this rate, by the end of the year, Manning will be the second-best “Peyton” in the AFC; He’ll be behind Peyton Hillis. The white running back. For the Browns. Pick: Colts-LOSS 

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Colts-LOSS

Steve Elle: Pick: Colts-LOSS

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Cowboys-WIN

VS

St. Louis Rams @ Arizona Cardinals

LINE: Rams (STL) by 4

Rick Bernardo

This is what happens when Brett Favre retires, re-retires, re-re-retires, and cries the whole damn time about it. All of a sudde,n every 3rd rate quarterback starts crying just to get some attention. When did football become full of a bunch of pussies? Derek Anderson should be fined $3 million and suspended 10 games, to keep this crap from ever happening in football again. Disgusting. Pick: Rams-WIN 

Darby Shaw: Pick: Rams-WIN  

Steve Elle: Pick: Rams-WIN  

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Cardinals-LOSS   

VS

Carolina Panthers @ Seattle Seahawks

LINE: Seahawks (SEA) by 6

Rick Bernardo

I think I finally get it. Pete Carroll didn’t break down and leave college football to make a name for himself in the NFL and prove he’s a fantastic coach. He did it so he could visit all his old players so they could laugh and hug and have a good time. Red flags should have gone up when he came to coach the Seahawks, but nooo, I didn’t listen. I drank the Kool-Aid, instead.  Pick: Seahawks-WIN 

Darby Shaw: Pick: Seahawks-WIN

Steve Elle: Pick: Seahawks-WIN

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Panthers-LOSS 

VS

Atlanta Falcons @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers

LINE: Falcons (ATL) by 3

Steve Elle

The Bucs try to make the dirty birds walk the plank. Nah, that’s too clichéd. The Falcons try to pillage the Bucs? Nope, too clever. In a matchup of division rivals, the hot Falcons (have you seen Tony Gonzales? Mmm…) meet the psychedelic Bucs (Barrett Ruuuud is a huge Grateful Dead fan). Hey, I told you I sit near the pirate ship. J-Sin attempts to make a special guest appearance even though he has zero interest in both teams. Brilliant. Pick: Bucs-LOSS 

Darby Shaw: Pick: Falcons-WIN 

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Falcons-WIN 

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Bucs-LOSS 

VS

Pittsburgh Steelers @ Baltimore Ravens

LINE: Ravens (BAL) by 3

Rob Wheatley

So close are these powerhouses of Ravenness and Steelitude, that I just can’t tell them apart. If there is any justice, this game will be snowed off, that’ll be good. It’ll save all that hassle and running about. It can’t be good for you, all that running about, and jumping and falling over, just to put a ball between some sticks. Not even a proper ball, is it, really ? More like a mutant peanut…or a giant potato…hang on there, we’ve been here before…Ravens Winnn Pick: Ravens-LOSS 

Darby Shaw: Pick: Ravens-LOSS

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Ravens-LOSS

Steve Elle: Pick: Ravens-LOSS

Monday, December 6th, 2010

VS

New York Jets @ New England Patriots

LINE: Patriots (NWE) by 4

Steve Elle

The game of the week. At least it should be. Both teams are hot, though both teams have also proven that they can lay an egg at any given time. Since Rex Ryan looks like he’s capable of laying approximately 10,550,800 eggs, here’s hoping that it’s the Jets. You know, that lay an egg. Plus the Pats have the cuter QB. Trust me [sigh]. Pick: Patriots-WIN

Darby Shaw: Pick: Jets-LOSS

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Patriots-WIN 

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Jets-LOSS   

RECORDS

This Week

Darby Shaw: 9-7

Rick Bernardo: 12-4

Steve Elle: 9-7

Rob Wheatley: 6-10

Total

Steve Elle: 112-80

Rick Bernardo: 110-82

Darby Shaw: 108-84

Rob Wheatley: 106-86