Welcome back, football fans, to our quasi-professional football picks! Each week we will pick game winners based on Vegas over/under lines, and add some sharp commentary to key games. So before I take away any jokes, here’s the picks!
Thursday, November 18th, 2010
VS
Chicago Bears @ Miami Dolphins
LINE: Dolphins (MIA) by 2
Steve Elle
One of the all time great games was the Bears/Dolphins matchup of 1985. Miami shocked the world by delivering a beat down to the Bears in one of Don Shula’s greatest coaching triumphs. The Dolphins confused the stout Bears defense by relying on a quick passing game, which played to their strengths and kept the Bears pass rush at bay. It worked. Tonight’s game has far more pedestrian ramifications. Speaking of pedestrians, if Dolphin QB Tyler Thigpen gets hurt, the Dolphins might have to get a pedestrian to QB. Pick: Dolphins-LOSS
Darby Shaw: Pick: Bears-WIN
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Bears-WIN
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Bears-WIN
Sunday, November 21st, 2010
VS
Buffalo Bills @ Cincinnati Bengals
LINE: Bengals (CIN) by 6
Steve Elle
In a matchup pitting two NFL superpowers against each other, Jim Kelly will try to rally his troops against Boomer and his Bengals. The Bengals will hope to contain Thurman Thomas while Bruce Smith will try to harass Boomer Esiason.
Oh, hi. Just got out of the hot tub. Well, hot tub time machine to be exact. Ugh, not much to talk about here. The Bills would have trouble beating a good college team; the Bengals are battling the Cowboys for the title of most talent laden, disappointing team of the season. Back in the hot tub… Pick: Bills-WIN
Darby Shaw: Pick: Bengals-LOSS
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Bengals-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Bengals-LOSS
VS
Detroit Lions @ Dallas Cowboys
LINE: Cowboys (DAL) by 7
Rob Wheatley
You musta heard about the Cowboy with the paper hat, paper shirt and paper pants..he was done for “Rustling” ..no, really, I slay me..Why can you never trust a Detroit “football” player? Cos he’s always “Lion”! This crap gets better and better, in fact I can hardly see..that’s not because of crying from laughter..it’s just the result of intense masturbation, really. It’s Winter here in the UK now, and the “Poor” have just had all their gloves burned by the Government to save fuel. (And to kill the “Poor”) – Lively up yrself and Jah-Rastafari, LIONS Rise from Zion for the WINNNN! Pick: Lions-LOSS
Darby Shaw: Pick: Cowboys-WIN
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Cowboys-WIN
Steve Elle: Pick: Cowboys-WIN
VS
Washington Redskins @ Tennessee Titans
LINE: Titans (TEN) by 7
Darby Shaw: Pick: Redskins-WIN
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Titans-LOSS
Steve Elle: Pick: Titans-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Redskins-WIN
VS
Arizona Cardinals @ Kansas City Chiefs
LINE: Chiefs (KAN) by 8
Darby Shaw: Pick: Cardinals-LOSS
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Chiefs-WIN
Steve Elle: Pick: Chiefs-WIN
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Chiefs-WIN
VS
Green Bay Packers @ Minnesota Vikings
LINE: Packers (GNB) by 3
Rob Wheatley
Well, as you may have noticed, this week’s “TokenBrit-Picks” are brought to you by the “creative” use of quotation marks. I would have preferred a “sponsorship” from Aston-Martin or MacLaren F1, or even Shepherd-Neame who make the “Oldest beer in Britain”, but no, I’m bloody “Speechless” and all I got is all these ” “”‘s “….oh hang on, there’s a “football” game on. Well, the wine is kicking in now, so PACKERS yayyyyy, “Win” . (And you can “quote” me on that). Pick: Packers-WIN
Darby Shaw: Pick: Packers-WIN
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Packers-WIN
Steve Elle: Pick: Packers-WIN
VS
Houston Texans @ New York Jets
LINE: Jets (NYJ) by 7
Rick Bernardo
It took a week for people to find out that a Browns fan tackled an 8 year old Jets fan? Cleveland rocks, indeed. I’d carefully watch young Texans fans at this game, tho. Rival children are usually fed to Fireman Ed at half-time. Pick: Texans-WIN
Darby Shaw: Pick: Jets-LOSS
Steve Elle: Pick: Jets-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Jets-LOSS
VS
Oakland Raiders @ Pittsburgh Steelers
LINE: Steelers (PIT) by 8
Darby Shaw: Pick: Steelers-WIN
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Steelers-WIN
Steve Elle: Pick: Steelers-WIN
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Steelers-WIN
VS
Baltimore Ravens @ Carolina Panthers
LINE: Ravens (BAL) by 10
Darby Shaw: Pick: Ravens-WIN
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Ravens-WIN
Steve Elle: Pick: Ravens-WIN
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Ravens-WIN
VS
Cleveland Browns @ Jacksonville Jaguars
LINE: Jaguars (JAC) by 2
Darby Shaw
Poor Cleveland. They wallop the Patriots, and they give the Jets everything they can handle in an OT game that goes down to the final minute… and they’re a two-point dog to the Jags. What do they have to do to get respect? Rescue old ladies from burning buildings? Delivery babies in 3rd world nations without medical implements? Hang out with the World’s Most Interesting Man? Oh, wait. That’s right. They have to not be the Browns. Pick: Browns-LOSS
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Browns-LOSS
Steve Elle: Pick: Browns-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Browns-LOSS
VS
Atlanta Falcons @ St. Louis Rams
LINE: Falcons (ATL) by 3
Rick Bernardo
So Matty Ice and company lose to the Ravens, and only get 3 points against the Rams, who lost to the 49ers? Did Matt Ryan break both his arms and get a concussion? Pick: Falcons-WIN
Darby Shaw: Pick: Falcons-WIN
Steve Elle: Pick: Falcons-WIN
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Falcons-WIN
VS
Seattle Seahawks @ New Orleans Saints
LINE: Saints (NOR) by 12
Rick Bernardo
It really says a lot for your team, and your division, when you’re in first place and given 12 points. It says even more when a professional analyst can’t decide if that spread is too big, considering the Seahawks seem to play horribly any time they need to travel for more than 2 hours. Remind me not to invite Matt Hasselbeck to thanksgiving dinner. Pick: Saints-WIN
Darby Shaw: Pick: Saints-WIN
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Saints-WIN
Steve Elle: Pick: Saints-WIN
VS
Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ San Francisco 49ers
LINE: 49ers (SFO) by 3
Steve Elle
The Bucs travel to the west coast to attempt to mine some gold from the 49ers. That was a joke. You know, 49ers…gold…mine for gold… anyway, the Bucs will try for win #7 against San Fran. Mike Singletary, who has heretofore kept his pants on as far as we know (during team activities to be precise) will hopefully be compelled to peel them down once again after his team is trounced. Hopefully. After I turn off the set. Pick: Bucs-WIN
Darby Shaw: Pick: 49ers-LOSS
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Bucs-WIN
Rob Wheatley: Pick: 49ers-LOSS
VS
Indianapolis Colts @ New England Patriots
LINE: Patriots (NWE) by 3
Darby Shaw
Okay, seriously. This is getting ridiculous. Despite what the NFL scheduling gods apparently believe, these two teams are not actually in the same division–there’s no rule that says they HAVE to play each other every damned year. Also, do you think Tom Brady is growing his hair out just to emphasize the contrast with Peyton Manning’s fivehead? Pick: Colts-WIN
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Colts-WIN
Steve Elle: Pick: Patriots-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Patriots-LOSS
VS
New York Giants @ Philadelphia Eagles
LINE: Eagles (PHI) by 3
Darby Shaw
Wait. If Michael Vick keeps going at this rate, doesn’t the NFL almost have to give him the “Comeback Player of the Year” award? If Goodell has to hand that statue to Vick, what are the odds that Vick DOESN’T look at the commish and give him the Shaquille O’Neal Memorial “Tell Me How My Ass Tastes” routine? Pick: Giants-LOSS
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Eagles-WIN
Steve Elle: Pick: Giants-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Giants-LOSS
Monday, November 22nd, 2010
VS
Denver Broncos @ San Diego Chargers
LINE: Chargers (SDG) by 10
Rob Wheatley
If I was the sort of shallow, ill-informed and so called “Token” Brit and gramatically challenged, so called “Sports” Journalist, who picked his winners on the basis of nothing more than a whim and a decent bottle of Chilean Red wine, then I’d have to give this game to the Broncos. They have a much better team badge. However, due to the high level of so “called” Editorial standards, I’m gonna say Chargers so called “lose”…they have a badge that looks like an eyebrow ! Win Broncos WIN. Pick: Broncos-LOSS
Darby Shaw: Pick: Broncos-LOSS
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Broncos-LOSS
Steve Elle: Pick: Chargers-WIN
RECORDS
This Week
Darby Shaw: 9-7
Rick Bernardo: 12-4
Steve Elle: 10-6
Rob Wheatley: 8-8
Total
Rob Wheatley: 92-68
Steve Elle: 91-69
Rick Bernardo: 89-71
Darby Shaw: 88-72