Welcome back, football fans, to our quasi-professional football picks! Each week we will pick game winners based on Vegas over/under lines, and add some sharp commentary to key games. Darby once again has taken the lead, while Rick Bernardo plans to fly to each city that a game is being played in order to “Tonya Harding” a star player. Only then may he have a shot at going even in one week.
Sunday, October 17th, 2010
VS
Seattle Seahawks @ Chicago Bears
LINE: Bears(CHI) by 7
Rick Bernardo
You’d think the Seahawks were actually going to try a push this season by acquiring Marshawn Lynch from the Bills. Then they grab some low draft picks by sending Deion Branch back to the Patriots. It must suck to make all these moves, and look across the field at a team that just falls into wins. Pick: Seahawks-WIN
Darby Shaw: Pick: Seahawks-WIN
Steve Elle: Pick: Bears-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Bears-LOSS
VS
Miami Dolphins @ Green Bay Packers
LINE: Even
Steve Elle
The thought here is that the Dolphins used their bye week wisely. One would think that meant honing the offense or building better timing with Henne and Marshall, but no. Instead the Dolphins (organization) tweaked the sound system at Joe Pro Land Sun Life Stadium, ostensibly for all the salsa music they play and more importantly, because of a complaint from J Lo. Anyway, with Aaron Rodgers coming off an injury, protection will be paramount. To that end condoms will be given away upon entry to the stadium. Pick: Dolphins-WIN
Darby Shaw: Pick: Packers-LOSS
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Dolphins-WIN
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Dolphins-WIN
VS
San Diego Chargers @ St. Louis Rams
LINE: Chargers(SDG) by 9
Rob Wheatley
Rising from the artificial playing surface like a mythical beast, but not the same mythical beast I wrote about a week or two ago, when these teams tangle we could witness a hybrid chimera fusion of Charger (a type of horse), and Ram (a type of sheep). Now that’s gotta be worth a laugh. St. Louis ramming it home for the WIN. Pick: Rams-WIN
Darby Shaw: Pick: Chargers-LOSS
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Chargers-LOSS
Steve Elle: Pick: Chargers-LOSS
VS
Baltimore Ravens @ New England Patriots
LINE: Patriots(NWE) by 3
Rick Bernardo
This past week, a few odd things have happened to Tom Brady: 1) He professed his man-love for Randy Moss. 2) The rest of the media world recognized the Bieber-do(Including Justin Bieber himself, who decided to write a rap about it.) 3) He’s found himself at #2 in his division. This can only mean one thing: Tom Brady is joining a boy band. Pick: Ravens-WIN
Darby Shaw: Pick: Patriots-LOSS
Steve Elle: Pick: Patriots-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Ravens-WIN
VS
Detroit Lions @ New York Giants
LINE: Giants(NYG) by 10
Darby Shaw
Congratulations to the Lions for their stellar game last week, scoring on offense, defense, and special teams. Unfortunately, they used up their entire scoring output for the season in a single game. Pick: Giants-LOSS
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Lions-WIN
Steve Elle: Pick: Giants-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Giants-LOSS
VS
Atlanta Falcons @ Philadelphia Eagles
LINE: Eagles(PHI) by 3
Rob Wheatley
This game is notable for the return of Michael Vick to his old team, so watch out for something of a dog-fight between these two winged assassins. Eagles and Falcons, circling each other like some sort of buzzard (or is that Bison ? My Natural Science knowledge is not as great as my NFL insight, so bare with me here.) It’ll be talons out as someone will need to put a muzzle on it while the Eagles are left with egg on their collective faces as Atlanta gets the WIN. Pick: Falcons-LOSS
Darby Shaw: Pick: Eagles-WIN
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Falcons-LOSS
Steve Elle: Pick: Eagles-WIN
VS
Cleveland Browns @ Pittsburgh Steelers
LINE: Steelers(PIT) by 14
Darby Shaw
Big Ben comes back from suspension to face the mighty Browns and their backup clipboard holder, rookie Colt McCoy. Nice of the NFL to schedule things so he could play a game with the training wheels still on before having to face the big boys. That being said… a two-touchdown spread seems a bit excessive. Pick: Browns-LOSS
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Browns-LOSS
Steve Elle: Pick: Steelers-WIN
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Steelers-WIN
VS
New Orleans Saints @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers
LINE: Saints(NOR) by 5
Steve Elle
The surprising Bucs have zero/nil/zilch/no chance of winning this game. Why? Two words: Reggie Bush. Oh…I was just informed that Bush is injured. Ok, two words: Pierre Thomas. Oh…he’s injured too. Anyway, two words: [insert name of Saints starter here]. Pick: Bucs-LOSS
Darby Shaw: Pick: Saints-WIN
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Saints-WIN
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Bucs-LOSS
VS
Kansas City Chiefs @ Houston Texans
LINE: Texans(HOU) by 5
Darby Shaw: Pick: Chiefs-WIN
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Texans-LOSS
Steve Elle: Pick: Chiefs-WIN
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Chiefs-WIN
VS
New York Jets @ Denver Broncos
LINE: Jets(NYJ) by 3
Steve Elle
Quite the opposite of the surprising Bucs, the Jets have zero/nil/zilch/no chance of losing this game. Why? Two words: Mark Sanchize. Yes, finally he has officially changed his name. In related news, Pfizer has just announced a new sleep drug made in consultation with QB Mark Sanchize. The drug is to be called Sanchezbien, which was developed to help him sleep better at night. You know, after tough games. It will also be available in candy bowls in his NY apartment. At any rate, this will be the first meeting between Sanchize and Baby Jesus Tebow. Their pre and post game handshakes are expected to garner larger ratings than the actual game itself. Jets in a romp. So to speak. Pick: Jets-WIN
Darby Shaw: Pick: Jets-WIN
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Broncos-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Jets-WIN
VS
Oakland Raiders @ San Francisco 49ers
LINE: 49ers(SFO) by 7
Darby Shaw
For some reason, the odds-makers keep thinking that the 49ers will win their games. I think they have vastly underestimated Mike Singletary’s ability to lose; he could be the first coach in the history of the NFL to lose 22 games in a season. Pick: Raiders-LOSS
Rick Bernardo: Pick: 49ers-WIN
Steve Elle: Pick: 49ers-WIN
Rob Wheatley: Pick: 49ers-WIN
VS
Dallas Cowboys @ Minnesota Vikings
LINE: Vikings(MIN) by 2
Rick Bernardo
Usually in a match-up like this, you ask yourself, “Which team really wants it more?” Unfortunately, this is more of a case of, “Who remembers how to play football.” Look for Brett Favre to text Tony Romo a picture of his junk if the Vikings are down at half-time. Pick: Vikings-WIN
Darby Shaw: Pick: Cowboys-LOSS
Steve Elle: Pick: Cowboys-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Vikings-WIN
VS
Indianapolis Colts @ Washington Redskins
LINE: Colts(IND) by 4
Rob Wheatley
A Colt is a type of Horse. Not the same type as a Charger, but a Horse nonetheless. It is also a type of gun and also the brand name of a type of beer. Imagine that, Beer, Horses and Guns ! I can imagine it, I’m doing it right now and it’s bloody exciting. Beer,Horses, Guns! Well all that may be very Rock’n’Roll but it’s gonna be the Redskins to WIN because everyone knows red is the fastest colour, for cars anyway, and THAT’S science. Pick: Redskins-WIN
Darby Shaw: Pick: Redskins-WIN
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Colts-LOSS
Steve Elle: Pick: Colts-LOSS
Monday, October 18th, 2010
VS
Tennessee Titans @ Jacksonville Jaguars
LINE: Titans(TEN) by 3
Darby Shaw: Pick: Titans-WIN
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Titans-WIN
Steve Elle: Pick: Titans-WIN
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Titans-WIN
RECORDS
This Week
Darby Shaw: 7-7
Rick Bernardo: 8-6
Steve Elle: 7-7
Rob Wheatley: 10-4
Total
Rob Wheatley: 50-40
Darby Shaw: 49-41
Steve Elle: 47-43
Rick Bernardo: 41-49