Welcome back, football fans, to our quasi-professional football picks! Each week we will pick game winners based on Vegas over/under lines, and add some sharp commentary to key games. Things are going up and down like the New York Jets’ ability to take disciplinary actions, with Darby and Steve tied for the lead! Off we go to week 3. (Some picks have not been submitted, so updates will endured later.)
Sunday, September 26th, 2010
VS
San Francisco 49ers @ Kansas City Chiefs
LINE: 49ers(SFO) by 3
Darby Shaw
Apparently, Vernon Davis guaranteed a win this week, on the heels of their second consecutive loss. Out of two possible games. In an unrelated note, 49ers coach Mike Singletary was seen digging a shallow grave on the outskirts of town last night. Pick: Chiefs-WIN
Rick Bernardo: Pick: 49ers-LOSS
Steve Elle: Pick: 49ers-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: 49ers-LOSS
VS
Detroit Lions @ Minnesota Vikings
LINE: Vikings(MIN) by 11
Steve Elle
Brett Favre is about due to fake an injury in order to have an excuse to end his season prematurely and to not endure the continued losses and negative press. This will happen if the Lions can win, which they can if things fall right for them. Calvin Johnson should have a big day and Jahvid Best will look to add to his breakout game. The Viqueens will hope to keep Brettany in one piece. Pick: Lions-LOSS
Darby Shaw: Pick: Vikings-WIN
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Lions-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Lions-LOSS
VS
Buffalo Bills @ New England Patriots
LINE: Patriots(NWE) by 15
Rick Bernardo
With the highest paid quarterback in the universe finishing off Week 2 with the quote, “We just sucked,” the Patriots have a good chance of redemption by going home to shed a few tears, and then getting their masculinity back by playing a team that would never say they suck without Captain Obvious leading a parade: the Buffalo Bills! Of course, if Tom Brady doesn’t get rid of that Justin Bieber haircut, this may all be for naught. Pick: Patriots-LOSS
Darby Shaw: Pick: Bills-WIN
Steve Elle: Pick: Patriots-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Bills-WIN
VS
Atlanta Falcons @ New Orleans Saints
LINE: Saints(NOR) by 4
Rob Wheatley
Having made such a hash of last weeks predictions, I am now turning to alternate methods in the hope of gaining more insight into the minds and motivations of the individual players. In fact, I have just bought the Thundercats ‘Sword Of Omens’ off ebay. Now according to the leaflet that came with it, this should give me sight beyond sight. Eeerr, how d’you plug it in ? Oh well, Saints are generally bigger than Falcons,so Saints to win. Pick: Saints-LOSS
Darby Shaw: Pick: Saints-LOSS
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Saints-LOSS
Steve Elle: Pick: Falcons-WIN
VS
Tennessee Titans @ New York Giants
LINE: Giants(NYG) by 3
Rick Bernardo
While many Giants supporters have been in anguish over last week’s game, it should be taken into consideration that they were up against a team with the #3 rush defense in the league, with 1 of the top running-backs in the game today and a quarterback that is more a game manager than gunslinger. Oh, they played the Colts LAST week, and the Titans THIS week. Oh, shiiiii… Pick: Titans-WIN
Darby Shaw: Pick: Titans-WIN
Steve Elle: Pick: Giants-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Titans-WIN
VS
Pittsburgh Steelers @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers
LINE: Steelers(PIT) by 3
Steve Elle
In a battle of unbeatens, one thing is for certain. If you were guessing that one team would remain unbeaten and one team would have a loss after this game, you would be sadly mistaken. No, the certainty is that it will be hot. And the Steelers will be wearing black. So, by using the infinitesimal calculus, one would conclude that not only will the Bucs win, by 35 perhaps, but there might also be several Steelers deaths due to heat stroke. This will not be a big loss particularly, if it ends up being Hines “punk ass” Ward or James Harrison. Pick: Bucs-LOSS
Darby Shaw: Pick: Bucs-LOSS
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Bucs-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Steelers-WIN
VS
Cincinnati Bengals @ Carolina Panthers
LINE: Bengals(CIN) by 4
Rob Wheatley
Yes, yes, I KNOW they’re not real animals, but can you just imagine if they were. This would be nothing short of carnage, fit for the Carneg-ie Hall, no less. Although I don’t think they let animals in there, unless they’re assisting blind people, and I never heard of a Seeing Eye Panther. I’ll go for the Panthers on this one, more as a fashion statement against the Bangal-Tigers..Stripes are just SO last year ! Panthers for the win! Pick: Panthers-LOSS
Darby Shaw: Pick: Bengals-WIN
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Bengals-WIN
Steve Elle: Pick: Bengals-WIN
VS
Cleveland Browns @ Baltimore Ravens
LINE: Ravens(BAL) by 11
Darby Shaw: Pick: Ravens-LOSS
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Browns-WIN
Steve Elle: Pick: Ravens-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Browns-WIN
VS
Dallas Cowboys @ Houston Texans
LINE: Texans(HOU) by 3
Darby Shaw
The Battle of the Gun Racks. If this had been scheduled the same weekend as the Texas-Texas A&M game, we might have seen a civil war within the state. Which would be fine with the rest of us, really. No, go ahead. Knock yourselves out. We’ll wait. Pick: Texans-LOSS
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Texans-LOSS
Steve Elle: Pick: Cowboys-WIN
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Texans-LOSS
VS
Washington Redskins @ St. Louis Rams
LINE: Redskins(WAS) by 4
Darby Shaw: Pick: Redskins-LOSS
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Redskins-LOSS
Steve Elle: Pick: Redskins-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Redskins-LOSS
VS
Philadelphia Eagles @ Jacksonville Jaguars
LINE: Eagles(PHI) by 3
Darby Shaw
I’m so confused. Now that Michael Vick is a starting quarterback again, do I make dog jokes? Herpes jokes? Ron Mexico jokes? Photoshop a cold sore and a jersey onto a picture of a pit bull? Pick: Eagles-WIN
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Eagles-WIN
Steve Elle: Pick: Eagles-WIN
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Jaguars-LOSS
VS
Indianapolis Colts @ Denver Broncos
LINE: Colts(IND) by 6
Steve Elle
It will be a somber scene at Mile High (or whatever they call it). Another Bronco player has met an untimely demise. Good for him, however he has Josh McDaniels and Tim (baby Jesus) Tebow on his side. They have vowed to pray until he is resurrected, though one hopes it won’t be a “Weekend at Bernie’s” scene or a “Pet Cemetary” type resurrection. Game wise Peyton Manning will outduel Kyle “chin free” Olson. McDaniels will jump up and down like a child having a tantrum. But it won’t do any good. Pick: Colts-WIN
Darby Shaw: Pick: Colts-WIN
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Colts-WIN
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Colts-WIN
VS
Oakland Raiders @ Arizona Cardinals
LINE: Cardinals(ARI) by 5
Rob Wheatley
That’s gotta be some groovy kind of Church, where its leading members are encouraged to play sports rather than read bits out of the bible at people. I can’t see how The Cardinals will be able to maneuver comfortably around the field with those big pointy hats on, and don’t Cardinals wear long flowing robe things and a big black cape ? Oh no, that’s Dracula. Oh well, in that case I give this one to The Raiders assuming the match is held in daylight so no use for Vampires anyway. Raiders to victory! Pick: Raiders-WIN
Darby Shaw: Pick: Cardinals-LOSS
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Raiders-WIN
Steve Elle: Pick: Cardinals-LOSS
VS
San Diego Chargers @ Seattle Seahawks
LINE: Chargers(SDG) by 6
Darby Shaw: Pick: Chargers-LOSS
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Chargers-LOSS
Steve Elle: Pick: Chargers-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Seahawks-WIN
VS
New York Jets @ Miami Dolphins
LINE: Dolphins(MIA) by 2
Rick Bernardo
Alcohol; explicit language; stand-offs with airline attendants due to listening to your tunes; contract disputes; and now, South Beach. Didn’t the Jets film for “Hard Knocks”, not “The Jersey Shore”? Pick: Dolphins-LOSS
Darby Shaw: Pick: Dolphins-LOSS
Steve Elle: Pick: Dolphins-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Dolphins-LOSS
Monday, September 27th, 2010
VS
Green Bay Packers @ Chicago Bears
LINE: Packers(GNB) by 3
Darby Shaw: Pick: Packers-LOSS
Rick Bernardo: Pick: Packers-LOSS
Steve Elle: Pick: Packers-LOSS
Rob Wheatley: Pick: Bears-WIN
RECORDS
This Week
Rob Wheatley: 8-8
Darby Shaw: 7-9
Rick Bernardo: 6-10
Steve Elle: 5-11
Total
Darby Shaw: 25-23
Steve Elle: 23-25
Rob Wheatley: 23-25
Rick Bernardo: 20-28