New York, NY: When it comes to new technology, you can bet on one thing: Steve Jobs will come up with something at the beginning of the new year. No matter how worthless it actually is, you can also bet the price tag will be as
ginormous as Apple’s stock shifts.
This past year, Steve Jobs and the people of Apple sat down to brainstorm what new device, or upgrade to an old one, they would unleash upon the world. Was it a fairly priced computer? No. Was it an iPhone that you could replace batteries for? No. Eternal life? Only for Mr. Jobs.
Instead, we received the iPad, and the incessant iTampon jokes that came with it.To help us understand the iPad a bit better, I enlisted the help of techno-geek and fellow writer Beta Boy as we beta-tested the device.
Beta Boy: The interface on the iPad is a step in the right direction. Touch-screen technology has always seemed mesmerizing, and Apple made it bigger. Not much bigger, but big enough to throw in a man-purse. Kudos, Mr. Jobs.
Rick Bernardo: I didn’t like the size, as it was not small enough to fit into my pocket. I tried. I also tried to walk out of Apple HQ with what I thought was my complimentary iPad tucked under my shirt. Charges are still pending.
Beta Boy: I was surprised to see that Apple went with an LCD screen rather than an AM OLED (active-matrix organic light-emitting diode). It’s like using one of those ugly yellow bulbs instead of a halogen. It makes the iPad horrible for using to find your keys in the dark.
Rick Bernardo: I liked the light. The heat that was given off as I laid my genitals on the screen was awesome.
Beta Boy: Battery power is another problem. The quoted 10 hours is for just keeping the iPad on. Use can drastically cut battery life to 5 hours, which is barely any time for the normal Facebook user to check on his Farmville application to see if his trees have grown bunny rabbits, or accept that alien spaceship house that a friend gifted to you.
Rick Bernardo: I got about 7 hours out of the battery, but mostly all I was doing was mashing the touch-screen to try to get the phone to work. Still haven’t figured out how to make a call yet.
Beta Boy: Unfortunately, Apple still hasn’t unlocked Flash for their devices.
Rick Bernardo: The web functions were amazing. I was able to get to all of my porn sites. The iPad even had an application where you could use its axis control thingie to move around the room in a sex scene. I even accidentally virtual-slammed a refrigerator door on Ron Jeremy’s dong.
Beta Boy: I will have to pass on the iPad. Maybe next year Apple will fix those little quirks so that it can proudly display its exorbitant price tag.
Rick Bernardo: Best frisbee ever.