New York, NY: Analysts are predicting that Apple’s upcoming operating system, Snow Leopard, will sell five million copies upon its release at the end of the month. Snow Leopard was developed over a period of seven years by dwarfs who inhabit the basement of Steve Jobs’ sprawling mansion and it is 
expected to retail for approximately twenty-nine dollars and 99.9 cents. The hope is that Apple will finally have an operating system to compete with Bill Gates’ Windows.
“We considered at least twenty, no, thirty names before settling on Snow Leopard,” said Valbert Parkerson, head dwarf/programmer. “It just fit the best. Plus, Snow Leopards are cute, and dangerous. Like, you could be petting its beautiful white fur and bam! Now you have no hand. That’s how we like to think of the OS. Soft and pretty, but also mean and carnivorous. Treat it wrong and next thing you know, Johnny’s missing a hand. He’s got one of them metal claws. Yeah. Like the Terminator.”
The metaphor should stand correct if Snow Leopard falls to the problems Windows has constantly been a victim of, such as viruses, incompatibility issues, and constantly updating magic “drivers.” However, all will not be lost. “There is no capable way to fix Snow Leopard OS errors short of smashing your computer or lap-top into a wall, so consumers will have the same comfort they had with the old Mac OS,” explained Mr. Parkerson.
When asked for examples of some of the other names that were considered for the software, he offered the following: “Furry Puppy,” “Naughty Wildebeest,” and “Thirsty Tarantula.”
According to Mr. Parkerson, “Thirsty Tarantula” was the runner up, but Steve Jobs expressed disgust at the mere mention of the arachnid. Nor was he particularly fond of ‘Fat Pig.’”
Bill Gates could not be reached for comment. However, it’s said that he is working on changing “Windows” to “Big, Tall Buildings.”