Unlike the vast majority of The Inept Owl’s writers, J-Sin was not created by the partnership of two 
human beings. Instead, he sprung forth from a savanna in central Kenya in the late 1970s, free from the burden of parentage, and a child of nature. But he is no hippie.
His first few years were spent foraging through the grasslands for food, water, and women. He succeeded on all levels and it was during this time that he discovered Mountain Dew. It was a particularly warm day in the middle of the Masai Mara and he was quite thirsty after battling it out with a pride of lions. Suddenly, from behind a tree came an Englishwoman with auburn hair, blue eyes, and a green bottle of the precious Mountain Dew.
“Bloody good fight that was,” she complimented five-year-old J-Sin.
J-Sin nodded and snatched the Mountain Dew out of the strange woman’s hand. Seeing the fierce look in his eyes, she decided not to complain and wandered off, only to be eaten by the remnants of the battered pride of lions. J-Sin downed the contents of the bottle in less than four seconds and knew that he was hooked.
From that day on, rarely was there a time that J-Sin did not have a Mountain Dew in his possession. For the next several years, he roamed the world in search of adventure, his trusty Mountain Dew providing the fuel for his voyages. His exploits read like the stuff of legend.
A few of the more notable moments in his life are as follows:
· In 1986, he felled an African Bull Elephant with a spear after the animal charged him. As the elephant lay bleeding in the dust, J-Sin suddenly had a crisis of conscience and dragged the wounded animal to a hospital in Nairobi, a distance of 66 miles. This thoughtful action saved the elephant’s life and made J-Sin a legend amongst park rangers and feared by poachers.
· In 1991, J-Sin single-handedly defeated a group of pirates off of the coast of Singapore after the pirates fired a machine gun at his two-man inflatable raft. Dodging the bullets as his beloved raft sunk under the leaden onslaught, J-Sin leaped onto the pirates’ ship with an empty Mountain Dew bottle and his fists as the only weapons at his disposal. He was able to defeat the crew of thirty well-armed men and after throwing all of his opponents overboard, he handed the malevolent ship off to the Singaporean authorities. Grateful, the government of Singapore held a parade in his honor – a parade which has become an annual event.
· In 1996, J-Sin hopped on one leg from New York to California without ever stopping for a rest. Even more amazing, he made the journey in less than three weeks. Nike® offered to sponsor a return trip where he would hop from California to New York on his other leg, but he declined the offer because he is not a fan of corporate America or ‘The Man.’ But he is not a hippie.
· In 1998, a man had the gall to call J-Sin a hippie and J-Sin beat the man comatose. After that, the hippie accusations ceased completely.
· In 2007, J-Sin swam from Los Angeles, California to Hawaii after noticing the high cost of airline tickets. Instead of paying such outrageous sums, he decided to swim. Along the way, he battled sharks and a current that cast him alongside Fiji, but after recognizing the error in his navigation, he found his way to Oahu. However, two hours later, upon realizing that he had forgotten his wallet and therefore could not pay for food or lodging, J-Sin swam back to California.
As of late 2008, J-Sin has been spotted in and around Tampa and Miami, Florida and is currently writing for the Inept Owl when he is not busy making sweet, sweet love.