New York, NY: In a bold move, the New York Times announced today that they will begin laying off journalists and columnists, then replace them with bloggers.
Sarah Huffledink, spokesperson for the esteemed newspaper, explained the decision in a press conference this morning. “To be honest, we had to do 
something. Subscriptions have reached an all-time low. People are turning more and more to the internet for their information. We decided it was time to embrace the new culture of news reporting.”
When asked for the reasons behind the move, she explained, “In today’s world, bloggers are the premiere source of information. Whether it’s politics, technology, entertainment, whatever… there’s a blog. Well, no. There are a billion blogs, each looking to scoop one another for the latest story. So why not take advantage of that?”
Ms. Huffledink admitted there may be a little resistance to the idea at first, especially from older readers. “However, we are looking out for the next generation of readers,” she stated. “We know that people today accept whatever they read from a blogger as fact. And if you trace back a storyline from a blogger, it usually relates at least tangentially to a real story they saw somewhere. Sure, they might put a little spin on it, but what journalist doesn’t do that?”
The move should cut costs significantly for the long-standing newspaper giant. Whereas journalists often commute to work and travel a great deal to cover stories, bloggers rarely leave their parents’ basement. Therefore, there is little need to compensate them at the same level. Likewise, bloggers rarely bother with things like an education or credentials, so they cannot demand the same wage scale. Also, missed deadlines are expected to be less of a problem, since bloggers just sit at home all day and scour the internet for the next topic to cover.
During the press conference, Times staff unveiled a new hierarchy that will be established for the new workers as well. Ms. Huffledink said, “Essentially, the structure will still be very similar. It’s more of a perspective change. ‘Editors’ will be replaced by bloggers who do not write anything of their own; they simply link to someone else’s blog and add a sentence or two. And the ‘editor-in-chief’ will be replaced by a single blogger who browses the internet, collects links to several other blogs, and slaps a witty headline on each of them.”
In response to the bold move by its cross-town competition, the New York Post’s editor-in-chief Michael Dinky simply said, “I don’t see what the big deal is. We’ve been making stuff up for years. We just never bothered to call them ‘bloggers.’”