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Denver Broncos to Release Champ Bailey Into the Wild

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Denver, CO— Broncos veteran cornerback Champ Bailey is set to be released from the team and then into the wild. The decision, announced within the last few days, comes on the heels of a record low of game appearances for Bailey, who spent most of the season on the sidelines due to a Lisfranc foot injury.

Sources close to Bailey say that he isn’t ready for retirement, and most assuredly isn’t ready to be released into the cold, unforgiving maw of Mother Nature.

“If it were up to Champ, he’d still be playing football,” said longtime friend and Broncos teammate David Bruton. “He’d rather not be at the mercy of the elements trying to build a shelter out of whatever he can find, but I’ve learned a lot from him and he’s a strong person, so maybe it will work out for him.” Bruton added that most of what he learned from Bailey was about football and teamwork, and less about how to make yourself appear larger than you really are to ward off predators.

Broncos management began releasing players into the wild late last year, starting with wide receiver Greg Orton, who has reportedly thrived in his new conditions. Orton was last spotted by lost campers near Estes Park, who stated that Orton led them back to their campsite, and was sporting a makeshift coat made from a grizzly bear. Orton taught the campers how to locate magnetic north by the stars and then disappeared.

The Chicago Bears are also beginning to follow the Broncos’ policy, as they plan to release veteran kicker Adam Podlesh into the wild. Representatives for the Broncos and Bears said they were excited by the prospect of two players being released at the same time, and stated that they hoped they found each other, “Before the wolves do.”

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Patrick is a comedy writer living in Chicago. He enjoys writing articles that hopefully make people chuckle and think, "Hey, that was pretty alright." He does that here and he also does it over at Man Cave Daily. If you thought something he wrote was pretty alright, boy howdy he sure does appreciate it.

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