New York, NY: “I Hope They Have Hockey in Hell, because it’s not here on earth!”

So said a guy (let’s call him “Random Guy”) that “Inept Owl” caught up to at a “Blarney Stone” bar last week; sitting at a table, gazing at a TV screen and muttering, “Why are we watching some show about brainless guys going on crash diets?  Why can’t I watch brainless guys crashing into boards?  Why isn’t hockey on now?”

Gary Bettman seems to be more of a grabby date.
Gary Bettman seems to be more of a grabby date.

He then explained:

“Man, these hockey negotiations—they remind of this hot chick I met at this bar last week and promised to meet the next day.  Then, the ‘relationship merry-go-round’ started: One sides shows up, the other doesn’t.  One side says ‘Here’s my number.  Call me.  Let’s talk.’  The other side finds out that it’s the wrong number.  And now—it’s looking like pretty soon, both sides will NEVER show up.”

“But I still have hope. Hoping that girl and Commissioner Bettman will bring something to our respective tables.  Yeah, nothing like that ol’ ‘flicker of hope’ to get your heart beating a little faster.”

“It’s funny.  When it comes to women, I can relate to hockey players.  The only difference is they’re skating on thick ice while I’m skating on thin ice. You know, I say the wrong words and women send me away for a few minutes until she cools off.  I call it the ‘Poontang Penalty Box.’  And like hockey players, it’s hard to score when you’re sitting in her “P.P. box.”

“But I’m tired of hearing from all of these ‘playas’ how something good is going to happen when at the end of the day, nothing happens because one side doesn’t want to take the time to understand the other.  Let me tell you, if I was that girl I met last week, or any girl, I’d say to me, ‘You know, you’re right.  I was wrong to lead you on; to give you false hope when I should be hopelessly in love with you.  Something good will happen.  Just like something great is about to happen in the hockey negotiations—and to that football team that just came on ‘Blarney Stone’s’ TV screen.”