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NY Giants Succeed in Losing to Dallas Cowboys to Start Super Bowl Run

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East Rutherford, NJ: New York Giants fans were elated this week, as their Big Blue Wrecking Crew began their season with a spectacular loss against the Dallas Cowboys to start off the 2012/2013 season. The defeat at the hands of their conference arch-rivals was made even sweeter by the fact that the Giants lost at home in MetLife Stadium after driving their offense forward to make a comeback, only to have the defense fall short on a third down.

Giants coach Tom Coughlin looks confused, which could be good news for Giants fans.

“I really couldn’t have hoped for a better outcome,” stated long-time Giants fan Ellen Slice. “This is just the first step towards another roller-coaster Super Bowl run! Go Big Blue!”

The optimism for this Giants team had all but vanished in the NFL off-season. Eli Manning was being referenced as an elite quarterback by other people rather than just himself, and appeared on Saturday Night Live. Giants coach Tom Coughlin seemed to have job security. Osi Umenyiora re-negotiated his contract; Chase Blackburn re-signed; Brandon Jacobs was let go. It seemed that the regular season was a disaster waiting to happen.

“Things really looked good for the Giants after their latest Super Bowl victory,” stated sports analyst Paul Emmerlan. “And for the Giants, that usually means the utter destruction of a season.”

The past seasonal stats for the New York Giants agree with this sentiment. In the past 5 seasons, the Giants have lost the opening game twice, once in 2007 and again in 2011. Both of those seasons ended in a Super Bowl victory. In the seasons that the Giants did not win the Super Bowl, 2008, 2009, and 2010, they had managed to win their first game.

Now, with the first game lost, the Giants can once again embrace the criticism that they so earnestly sought. Manning Face jokes have resurfaced once again. Chase Blackburn received the Giants’ first injury. Victor Cruz has been relegated to catching towels in the locker room this weekend. Giants fans are already crying out for the firing of Coach Coughlin.

“It’s pretty impressive,” stated Mr. Emmerlan. “But I’m sure Giants fans won’t be really comfortable with their chances for a repeat title until they lose another two or three games.”

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Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.

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