San Francisco, CA: For the first time since its launch as a search engine, the internet monolith Google has done the seemingly impossible: beat Apple to a technological advancement by ripping off a Futurama reference to Apple. The technology? Google glasses, aka Project Glass.
The almost glassless glasses, set to feature a small screen in front of one eye for map, web search, and voice chat, would allow users to watch, listen, ignore their friends, stalk their exes, download porn on a crowded bus, even check your email while getting hit by a train, all with a few words that will make it look like you’re talking to yourself. And the glasses are phones, too!
“This is a great step in technological irony,” stated techno-geek Lars Wilhem, who is also a huge fan of Futurama and The Simpsons. “To see satire brought to life has to be the best prank the world has ever seen. Is it April Fool’s Day again already?”
While the idea of the glasses may seem amazing, there are still problems with launching such an item. The problem of battery life have met with illogical fixes, from wearing a battery backpack to hooking the glasses up to the wearer’s central nervous system. Strabismus, being cross-eyed, is another developmental problem that can is raised by having a wearer focus one eye forward, toward the screen, and the other eye inverting to see the screen also.
“Cross-eyed development has been a comedy issue for generations,” stated actor Trent Bloomington. “If Google’s glasses had come out sooner, we would have had something like Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule years ago. With this technology, strabismus will be chic, leading John C. Reilly to find another show.”
Even with these problems, technophiles across the world have taken up the chant, “Shut up and take my money,” made famous by one Philip J. Fry.
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