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Morris Claiborne, NFL Prospect, Unsure Who Wonderlic Is


Morris Claiborne, a highly touted cornerback from LSU who is destined to be a top-ten pick in this year’s NFL draft, is retarded. Claiborne, who is skilled on the field and is expected to be drafted early, scored a four on the Wonderlic test recently. Previously, the lowest score belonged to Vince Young, the mildly retarded quarterback who started for the Tennessee Titans early in his career. Young, it was reported, scored a six. However, Young, now a free agent learning how to read, is thrilled to learn of Claiborne’s low score.

“This is really cool,” said Young, standing outside an Adult Education Center in Houston, Texas. “I’m glad I’m not the most stupid guy in the NFL. Thanks, Morris!”

Claiborne was not thrilled that his score was announced to the public. “This is stupid, man. And that test was stupid. But I ain’t stupid. So what if I can’t do fractions or stupid multiplication things, man. I’m just here to play ball, you know?”

Several teams, previously interested in possibly drafting Claiborne, have begun to have second thoughts. Their concerns, it is reported, are centered on the fact that Claiborne may not be able to read a playbook or find his name in the locker room. There have been reports that while at LSU, Claiborne often accidentally donned his teammates uniforms because he was unable to recognize his name or jersey number.

One former teammate, who asked not to be identified, claimed, “Man, Morris is one dumb dude, you follow? Like, dude was always wearing other people’s jerseys and what-not and sometimes had to be handfed like a horse or something because he forgot how to feed himself. He’s a cool dude, though. But man, is he dumb!”

Claiborne, upon being confronted with this statement by reporters, tearfully denied this. “That ain’t true, man. That’s just stupid. A stupid lie and I hate it!”

Claiborne was last seen running down the middle  of a Houston street, biting people and banging his head on car doors.

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