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NFL Powder Puff Picks: Week 6

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Welcome back, football fans, to our quasi-professional football picks! Each week we will pick game winners based on Vegas over/under lines, and add some sharp commentary to key games. Darby once again has taken the lead, while Rick Bernardo plans to fly to each city that a game is being played in order to “Tonya Harding” a star player. Only then may he have a shot at going even in one week.

Sunday, October 17th, 2010

VS

Seattle Seahawks @ Chicago Bears

LINE: Bears(CHI) by 7

Rick Bernardo

You’d think the Seahawks were actually going to try a push this season by acquiring Marshawn Lynch from the Bills. Then they grab some low draft picks by sending Deion Branch back to the Patriots. It must suck to make all these moves, and look across the field at a team that just falls into wins. Pick: Seahawks-WIN

Darby Shaw: Pick: Seahawks-WIN

Steve Elle: Pick: Bears-LOSS

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Bears-LOSS

 

VS

Miami Dolphins @ Green Bay Packers

LINE: Even

Steve Elle

The thought here is that the Dolphins used their bye week wisely. One would think that meant honing the offense or building better timing with Henne and Marshall, but no. Instead the Dolphins (organization) tweaked the sound system at Joe Pro Land Sun Life Stadium, ostensibly for all the salsa music they play and more importantly, because of a complaint from J Lo. Anyway, with Aaron Rodgers coming off an injury, protection will be paramount. To that end condoms will be given away upon entry to the stadium. Pick: Dolphins-WIN

Darby Shaw: Pick: Packers-LOSS

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Dolphins-WIN

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Dolphins-WIN

VS

San Diego Chargers @ St. Louis Rams

LINE: Chargers(SDG) by 9

Rob Wheatley

Rising from the artificial playing surface like a mythical beast, but not the same mythical beast I wrote about a week or two ago, when these teams tangle we could witness a hybrid chimera fusion of Charger (a type of horse), and Ram (a type of sheep). Now that’s gotta be worth a laugh. St. Louis ramming it home for the WIN. Pick: Rams-WIN 

Darby Shaw: Pick: Chargers-LOSS

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Chargers-LOSS

Steve Elle: Pick: Chargers-LOSS

VS

Baltimore Ravens @ New England Patriots

LINE: Patriots(NWE) by 3

Rick Bernardo

This past week, a few odd things have happened to Tom Brady: 1) He professed his man-love for Randy Moss. 2) The rest of the media world recognized the Bieber-do(Including Justin Bieber himself, who decided to write a rap about it.) 3) He’s found himself at #2 in his division. This can only mean one thing: Tom Brady is joining a boy band. Pick: Ravens-WIN

Darby Shaw: Pick: Patriots-LOSS

Steve Elle: Pick: Patriots-LOSS

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Ravens-WIN

VS

Detroit Lions @ New York Giants

LINE: Giants(NYG) by 10

Darby Shaw

Congratulations to the Lions for their stellar game last week, scoring on offense, defense, and special teams. Unfortunately, they used up their entire scoring output for the season in a single game. Pick: Giants-LOSS

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Lions-WIN

Steve Elle: Pick: Giants-LOSS

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Giants-LOSS

VS

Atlanta Falcons @ Philadelphia Eagles

LINE: Eagles(PHI) by 3

Rob Wheatley

This game is notable for the return of Michael Vick to his old team, so watch out for something of a dog-fight between these two winged assassins. Eagles and Falcons, circling each other like some sort of buzzard (or is that Bison ? My Natural Science knowledge is not as great as my NFL insight, so bare with me here.) It’ll be talons out as someone will need to put a muzzle on it while the Eagles are left with egg on their collective faces as Atlanta gets the WIN. Pick: Falcons-LOSS

Darby Shaw: Pick: Eagles-WIN

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Falcons-LOSS

Steve Elle: Pick: Eagles-WIN

VS

Cleveland Browns @ Pittsburgh Steelers

LINE: Steelers(PIT) by 14

Darby Shaw

Big Ben comes back from suspension to face the mighty Browns and their backup clipboard holder, rookie Colt McCoy. Nice of the NFL to schedule things so he could play a game with the training wheels still on before having to face the big boys. That being said… a two-touchdown spread seems a bit excessive. Pick: Browns-LOSS

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Browns-LOSS

Steve Elle: Pick: Steelers-WIN

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Steelers-WIN

VS

New Orleans Saints @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers

LINE: Saints(NOR) by 5

Steve Elle

The surprising Bucs have zero/nil/zilch/no chance of winning this game. Why? Two words: Reggie Bush. Oh…I was just informed that Bush is injured. Ok, two words: Pierre Thomas. Oh…he’s injured too. Anyway, two words: [insert name of Saints starter here]. Pick: Bucs-LOSS

Darby Shaw: Pick: Saints-WIN

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Saints-WIN

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Bucs-LOSS

VS

Kansas City Chiefs @ Houston Texans

LINE: Texans(HOU) by 5

Darby Shaw: Pick: Chiefs-WIN

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Texans-LOSS

Steve Elle: Pick: Chiefs-WIN

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Chiefs-WIN

VS

New York Jets @ Denver Broncos

LINE: Jets(NYJ) by 3

Steve Elle

Quite the opposite of the surprising Bucs, the Jets have zero/nil/zilch/no chance of losing this game. Why? Two words: Mark Sanchize. Yes, finally he has officially changed his name. In related news, Pfizer has just announced a new sleep drug made in consultation with QB Mark Sanchize. The drug is to be called Sanchezbien, which was developed to help him sleep better at night. You know, after tough games. It will also be available in candy bowls in his NY apartment. At any rate, this will be the first meeting between Sanchize and Baby Jesus Tebow. Their pre and post game handshakes are expected to garner larger ratings than the actual game itself. Jets in a romp. So to speak. Pick: Jets-WIN

Darby Shaw: Pick: Jets-WIN

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Broncos-LOSS

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Jets-WIN

VS

Oakland Raiders @ San Francisco 49ers

LINE: 49ers(SFO) by 7

Darby Shaw

For some reason, the odds-makers keep thinking that the 49ers will win their games. I think they have vastly underestimated Mike Singletary’s ability to lose; he could be the first coach in the history of the NFL to lose 22 games in a season. Pick: Raiders-LOSS

Rick Bernardo: Pick: 49ers-WIN

Steve Elle: Pick: 49ers-WIN

Rob Wheatley: Pick: 49ers-WIN

VS

Dallas Cowboys @ Minnesota Vikings

LINE: Vikings(MIN) by 2

Rick Bernardo

Usually in a match-up like this, you ask yourself, “Which team really wants it more?” Unfortunately, this is more of a case of, “Who remembers how to play football.” Look for Brett Favre to text Tony Romo a picture of his junk if the Vikings are down at half-time. Pick: Vikings-WIN

Darby Shaw: Pick: Cowboys-LOSS

Steve Elle: Pick: Cowboys-LOSS

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Vikings-WIN

VS

Indianapolis Colts @ Washington Redskins

LINE: Colts(IND) by 4

Rob Wheatley

A Colt is a type of Horse. Not the same type as a Charger, but a Horse nonetheless. It is also a type of gun and also the brand name of a type of beer. Imagine that, Beer, Horses and Guns ! I can imagine it, I’m doing it right now and it’s bloody exciting. Beer,Horses, Guns! Well all that may be very Rock’n’Roll but it’s gonna be the Redskins to WIN  because everyone knows red is the fastest colour, for cars anyway, and THAT’S science. Pick: Redskins-WIN

Darby Shaw: Pick: Redskins-WIN

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Colts-LOSS

Steve Elle: Pick: Colts-LOSS

Monday, October 18th, 2010

VS

Tennessee Titans @ Jacksonville Jaguars

LINE: Titans(TEN) by 3

Darby Shaw: Pick: Titans-WIN

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Titans-WIN

Steve Elle: Pick: Titans-WIN

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Titans-WIN

 

RECORDS

This Week

Darby Shaw: 7-7

Rick Bernardo: 8-6

Steve Elle: 7-7

Rob Wheatley: 10-4

Total

Rob Wheatley: 50-40

Darby Shaw: 49-41

Steve Elle: 47-43

Rick Bernardo: 41-49

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As the managing editor of The Inept Owl, Patrick has sworn to uphold the honor and integrity of hard-hitting journalism...but only on Sundays at 10am.

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