NFL Powder Puff Picks: Week 4

| October 1, 2010 | 0 Comments

   Welcome back, football fans, to our quasi-professional football picks! Each week we will pick game winners based on Vegas over/under lines, and add some sharp commentary to key games. Darby Shaw is still in the lead! He obviously has figured out a way to get the games earlier than the rest of us in order to accomplish this.

Sunday, October 3rd, 2010

VS

San Francisco 49ers @ Atlanta Falcons

LINE: Falcons(ATL) by 7

Rick Bernardo

There was a time, long long ago, that I thought Alex Smith was “The One”. Four years later, he had Michael Crabtree. Well, at least the possibility of having him until contract negotiations. Again, he was “The One”. Still waiting, but at least he’s not Matt Leinart. Pick: Falcons-LOSS

Darby Shaw: Pick: Falcons-LOSS

Steve Elle: Pick: 49ers-WIN

Rob Wheatley: Pick: 49ers-WIN

 

VS

New York Jets @ Buffalo Bills

LINE: Jets(NYJ) by 6

Rob Wheatley

Well, any decent and respected Sports Analyst could tell you this game could go either way, and that’s why I think otherwise.
I was thinking about some famous Bills from American history, Buffalo Bill in particular. He was like some kind of Minotaur by the sounds of it..pretty good with a gun. And the lady Buffalos. Anyway, Bills are the winners, just because they’re better. Pick: Bills-LOSS

Darby Shaw: Pick: Jets-WIN

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Bills-LOSS

Steve Elle: Pick: Jets-WIN

VS

Cincinnati Bengals @ Cleveland Browns

LINE: Bengals(CIN) by 4

Darby Shaw

The Battle of Ohio sounds a little bit like a WWF bout this year. It’s TO and Ocho, the Mouths of the South, versus the Belligerent Bulldogs! No matter who wins, television viewers in Ohio lose. Pick: Bengals-LOSS

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Bengals-LOSS

Steve Elle: Pick: Browns-WIN

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Browns-WIN

VS

Detroit Lions @ Green Bay Packers

LINE: Packers(GNB) by 15

Darby Shaw: Pick: Lions-WIN

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Lions-WIN

Steve Elle: Pick: Packers-LOSS

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Lions-WIN

VS

Denver Broncos @ Tennessee Titans

LINE: Titans(TEN) by 7

Darby Shaw

If Tim Tebow wants to know his future career path, including the imminent mental breakdown, he need look no further than Vince Young. Well, there will probably be fewer strip clubs for Tebow, but still. Pick: Titans-LOSS

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Titans-LOSS

Steve Elle: Pick: Titans-LOSS

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Broncos-WIN

VS

Seattle Seahawks @ St. Louis Rams

LINE: Seahawks(SEA) by 2

Steve Elle

Even the Rams need some love. Preferably by other Rams, or perhaps Mountain Goats. Oh, the football team, yes. Sam Bradford is showing signs of QB legitimacy. But he and they have a long way to go. The Seahawks are a surprise at this point, playing more like the pre-sanction Trojans than the pre-Carroll Seahawks. That is a good thing. For the Seahawks. Pick: Rams-WIN

Darby Shaw: Pick: Seahawks-LOSS

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Rams-WIN

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Rams-WIN

VS

Carolina Panthers @ New Orleans Saints

LINE: Saints(NOR) by 14

Rob Wheatley

Panthers versus Saints ? Could just as well be Pumpkins versus Balloons for all I bloody know. Look, I’ve been studying this sport for almost a month now and I still can’t work out why there are so many people needed around the pitch just to get some coked-up steroid freak to throw a ball ? There are blokes with radios, clipboards, mutant Bear-heads, I just dont get it. Panthers snatch the victory and WIN !! Pick: Panthers-WIN

Darby Shaw: Pick: Panthers-WIN 

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Panthers-WIN

Steve Elle: Pick: Saints-LOSS

VS

Baltimore Ravens @ Pittsburgh Steelers

LINE: Steelers(PIT) by 2

Darby Shaw

Ray Lewis and Charlie Batch are the Michael Douglases of the NFL right now: they turn in amazingly overhyped performances, despite their age. Oh, and they’ve also filmed sex acts with Sharon Stone. Pick: Steelers-LOSS

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Steelers-LOSS

Steve Elle: Pick: Ravens-WIN

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Steelers-LOSS

VS

Houston Texans @ Oakland Raiders

LINE: Texans(HOU) by 4

Rob Wheatley

Well, I can’t imagine any team of Texans puttin up with no Raiders, although I’m now reliably informed that the team names have no real relation to the players therein..which rather ballses up most of the opportunities I thought I had for stirring imagery, heroic metaphors and general but widespread cliche abuse. Arse-biscuits ! Go Texas, you gonna win !! Pick: Texans-WIN

Darby Shaw: Pick: Texans-WIN

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Texans-WIN

Steve Elle: Pick: Raiders-LOSS

VS

Indianapolis Colts @ Jacksonville Jaguars

LINE: Colts(IND) by 9

Steve Elle

As pointed out by Jason Whitlock recently, the Colts last week started the most exclusively white offense in the NFL and somehow still won their game. This is being investigated by the NAACP and Al Sharpton who is convinced there is a conspiracy at hand. The Jaguars, stating that they are no-one’s masters, have declared to give the Colts a good, er, whipping. Pick: Colts-LOSS

Darby Shaw: Pick: Colts-LOSS

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Colts-LOSS

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Colts-LOSS

VS

Washington Redskins @ Philadelphia Eagles

LINE: Eagles(PHI) by 7

Rick Bernardo

I’ve seen this one before. The has-been quarterback gets tossed by his team for a younger, stronger player. Mr. Veteran than goes off to some lame team of misfits, and rallies them to the big game. The veteran always plays his old team twice. This first time he gets murdered. The second time, redemption. Welcome to Round 1 of Donovan McNabb VS the entire city of Philadelphia. Pick: Eagles-LOSS

Darby Shaw: Pick: Redskins-WIN

Steve Elle: Pick: Eagles-LOSS

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Redskins-WIN

VS

Arizona Cardinals @ San Diego Chargers

LINE: Chargers(SDG) by 9

Darby Shaw: Pick: Chargers-WIN

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Cardinals-LOSS

Steve Elle: Pick: Chargers-WIN

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Chargers-WIN

VS

Chicago Bears @ New York Giants

LINE: Giants(NYG) by 4

Rick Bernardo

I bet this game looked real good on paper last year. Now it seems that it’s a good time for some new shows to have their Sunday season premiere. I’m looking at you, Family Guy. The only people winning this game are fantasy teams that have either defense. Then again… Pick: Bears-LOSS

Darby Shaw: Pick: Giants-WIN

Steve Elle: Pick: Bears-LOSS

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Bears-LOSS

Monday, October 4th, 2010

VS

New England Patriots @ Miami Dolphins

LINE: Patriots(NWE) by 1

Steve Elle

After losing to the dreaded Jets, the Dolphins actually have a game against a legitimate team this week. It’ll be interesting to see the match-up between two of the premier receivers in the game (Moss and Marshall). Revis is still lost at sea and seemingly can’t find his island. Curious though, why is this New England team (Pat’s) named after our editor? Weird. Pick: Dolphins-LOSS

Darby Shaw: Pick: Patriots-WIN

Rick Bernardo: Pick: Patriots-WIN

Rob Wheatley: Pick: Dolphins-LOSS

Bye Week

VS

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers

LINE: Bucs(TAM) by 12

 

Steve Elle

As the Bucs embark on their big date with the dreaded early season Bye Week, they reflect on the relatively successful beginning of their season. However, first the Bye Week. Bye Week is undefeated, having never lost a battle. Still, the Bucs should win this one easily and be awarded a half game. Pick: Bucs

 

RECORDS

This Week

Darby Shaw: 8-6

Rick Bernardo: 5-9

Steve Elle: 7-7

Rob Wheatley: 10-4

Total

Darby Shaw: 33-29

Rob Wheatley: 33-29

Steve Elle: 30-32

Rick Bernardo: 25-37

Written by FascistEditor

FascistEditor

As the managing editor of The Inept Owl, Patrick has sworn to uphold the honor and integrity of hard-hitting journalism…but only on Sundays at 10am.

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Category: Sports

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