Dallas, TX: Tony Romo, mired in an up and down start the last few years, has taken it upon himself to sue Merriam-Webster for their recent updated entry of the word “douchebag” in the 2010 edition of their standard bearer, Merriam-Webster’s 2010 abridged Dictionary.
Citing unnamed sources, WESPN has reported on their website that the following leaked definition (along with incriminating photo) was shown to Romo and precipitated the lawsuit:
|n. fr. “douche”, fr. French, fr. Italian “doccia”
1. An object used for vaginal hygiene.
2. Any adult who wears a backwards or deliberately off center hat.
3. Dallas Cowboys QB – especially ones who wear their hats backwards. Has uncontrollable urge to smile.
Having fulfilled two of the three possible definitions, MW was going to accompany the definition with a photo as further evidence of Romo’s worthiness as a prime example of douchebaggery.
Romo, through his attorney, has countered with a very shrewd argument. Romo admitted for the first time that he is afflicted with Down Syndrome, and that he is just wearing his hat backwards as an attempt to appear cool, which is something that is important to him after being ridiculed relentlessly as a child, young adult and also as an adult. He submitted for evidence many photos which clearly show the hallmarks of Down Syndrome, including Mongoloid eyes (see above) and a tendency to smile excessively even when it is inappropriate. Through his spokesperson, Romo released the following statement:
“I would like to state officially, for the first time, that I have Down Syndrome and I am mildly retarded. My family called me ‘Corky’ from a young age in honor of a character of the same name that had Down Syndrome in some 90’s television show. Please consider me a retard first and a douchebag second.”
It was then also revealed that the Romo family has a long history of retards dating back to 17th century Italy. It was when these early families mingled with some Eastern Europeans who had taken over their land and were enslaving the early Romo’s that the chromosomal abnormality causing Down Syndrome was introduced by way of repeated rape of the Romo women by the Eastern Europeans who were carrying the gene. This abnormality, coupled with the earlier tendency of severe retardation, led to a situation where nearly every birth was mired in some abnormality. From these roots, Tony Romo was born with his many abnormalities, including a tendency to throw the ball to the other team and wilt under pressure.
Romo has vowed to give any proceeds from a successful lawsuit to charity.
Information from The Disassociated Press was used in this report.