Cromartie Reclaims Baby-Daddy Trophy from Edwards
New York, NY: The New York Jets, looking for a complement to lock down cornerback Darelle Revis, have signed free agent Antonio Cromartie in a move seen as expected and…
Genetic Link Found Between Roethlisberger and Winnie the Pooh
Pittsburgh, PA: In what seems to be a regular occurrence these days, lines of women have stepped forward accusing Ben Roethlisberger of naughty behavior. In what no longer seems to…
Rex Ryan’s Obesity Leads to Jets Elimination
Indianapolis, IN: In the wake of the New York Jets' improbable season, a season in which every conceivable break was needed just to get them into the playoffs, it has…
Bears Lineman Found Dead: Bucs Relieved
Greenwood, SC: In a day full of highly insensitive events in the NFL(the Jets winning, the Vikings breathing additional life into Brett Favre’s improbably and perpetually overrated career), perhaps the…
Romo Sues Merriam-Webster For Douchebag Definition
Dallas, TX: Tony Romo, mired in an up and down start the last few years, has taken it upon himself to sue Merriam-Webster for their recent updated entry of the…
Finger Bitten Off During Raider Bash
Thousand Oaks, CA: California authorities have stated that a clash between supporters and haters of the Oakland Raiders ended with one fan biting off another man's finger. Ventura County Sheriff's…
Michael Vick to Join PETA
Leavenworth, KS: Former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick has been released from the federal prison in Leavenworth, Kansas, and will finish the last two months of his 23 month sentence…
Terrell Owens Set to Create 33rd NFL Team
Dallas, TX: After being summarily released by the Dallas Cowboys on Wednesday, Terrell Owens and his agent, Drew Rosenhaus sought out teams willing to offer the outspoken receiver a long…
Fisticuffs For Jesus
It was recently announced by UFC that Kurt Warner and Troy Polamalu will be engaging in a cage fight to determine which Christian athlete is more devout. This came about…
Hines Ward’s Smile Explained
Pittsburgh, PA: For years, sports writers, game announcers, and fans have all wondered about Pittsburgh Steeler wide receiver Hines Ward and his never-ending smile. Until now, most believed that his…