Local Idiot Misunderstands Garage Sale
Springfield, OH: A normal garage sale on a normal neighborhood block turned into mayhem this past weekend, as local Springfield resident Nicholas Glunt learned what a garage sale really is,…
Slighted Man Adds Ex’s Hoo-Ha to Foursquare
New York, NY: Spring is a time of rejuvenation, a time when “a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love”, as Alfred Lord Tennyson put it. Unfortunately, the…
Man Depressed by Valentine from Mother
Los Angeles, CA: It didn't take long for David Platt to feel the sharp blade of Valentine's Day cut away the last bits of his self-esteem. What had begun as…
Punxsutawney Phil Predicts More Winter: Pennsylvanians Stock Up on Sunblock
Punxsutawney, PA: Once again, our furry meteorologists have poked their heads out into the world for the sole purpose of telling us when to expect winter to be over. This…
Dick Clark Sucks 20 Years out of Ryan Seacrest for NYE 2012
New York, NY: For 40 years, Dick Clark has been a staple of the New Year's Eve celebration as his New Year's Rockin Eve show played in a majority of…
Boring Sex Leads to Amnesia in 29-Year-Old Woman
New York, NY: For one of countless women, sex was boring and, literally, totally forgettable, once again. A continuing case study published in the September issue of the Glamour reported…
New York on Threat Level Orange for Local Squirt Gun Assassinations
New York, NY: Fear, destruction, and death have taken over the boroughs of Manhattan once again. Some would blame it on climate change. Others, President Obama, or underground mole people…
New Yorkers Traumatized Over Earthquake Moving Doors
New York, NY:Tragedy literally rocked the city of New York today, as countless victims were forced to endure the aftershock of an earthquake. Re-enactment of actual events. The 5.9 magnitude…
Sunphobia on the Rise; Vampire Slayers on Alert
United States: First, it was the Tanorexics—women in their teens, 20s and 30s with such a fondness for tan skin that they risk their lives just to resemble old, leathery…
Catholic School Bans Rainbows; Fantasy Creatures in an Uproar
Toronto, ON CANADA: Leprechauns, unicorns, fairies, and woodland nymphs are in an uproar over a Catholic school’s recent decision to ban rainbows from its premises. The problem started when the…